He has “thought about killing” himself, he wrote in a piece for the Players’ Tribune.
In a candid personal essay, former #NBA star #BenGordon opens up about his struggles with his #mentalhealth in the hopes to help others like him.
Writing on his experiences for the #Players’Tribune on life after his #NBA career came to an end, he opened up on having #suicidal thoughts.
“Who was Gentle Ben? Who am I? And that’s when I started disassociating myself completely from #BenGordon. I was convinced that I was a clone. That this body I’m in is not my real body. It can’t be.”
#BenGordon opens up about his #mentalhealth.
“Where Is My Mind?” opens with the heaviness of his battle: “There was a point in time when I thought about killing myself every single day for about six weeks.”
“I would be up on the roof of my apartment building at four o’clock in the morning, just pacing to the edge of the ledge, looking over – pacing back and forth, back and forth – just thinking, I’m really about to do it, B. I’m about to escape from al this sh–.”
Gordon admits to feeling helpless after leaving the league and felt “#manic-depressive” and dealt with severe panic attacks. As a result, he suffered from sleepless nights and once commented to a friend that he felt like a “dead man walking.”
“I had lost my career, my identity, and my family all pretty much simultaneously,” he said. “I wasn’t eating. I wasn’t sleeping.”
He opened about his arrests and a judge sentenced him to court-mandated therapy for 18 months, which he said helped him to process his personal traumas.
“The goal doesn’t have to be perfection. It can just be peace and acceptance with yourself,” Gordon says in the essay.
He adds: “I’m not perpetually crazy. I had a moment. I got help for that moment. I got to know myself from that moment. And I’m still working through some things, no doubt. There’s still some trauma I dealt with that I’m not ready to tell to the world about yet.”
“There was a point in time when I thought about killing myself every single day for about six weeks.”
I hope every single person takes a moment tonight to read this emotional piece from #BenGordon.
#ThePlayers’Tribune is a media company founded by #DerekJeter that provides #athletes the platform to connect with fans with stories in their own words and insight on the world of #sports.
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle