Girls are experiencing a devastating decline in wellbeing
Plenty of people struggle today with stress and declines in their mental health—but the experience of middle and high school girls is especially concerning. Girls are struggling with some of the highest-ever levels of depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide. They are sad, insecure and pessimistic about themselves and their lives.
Worst hit are some of the youngest girls—those in 5th grade—and girls’ experiences have been trending negatively since 2017.
The crisis that girls face is important for many reasons. First, they are our daughters, sisters, nieces and friends—and we want the best for them and their lives.
Support girls by helping them find their voice
Reach Out, Connect and Support
One of the first things you can do to move the needle on girls’ mental health and confidence is to reach out to them, form relationships, offer support and even become a mentor.
In fact, when girls had mentors, they were more likely to be happy (51% with a mentor compared with 40% without a mentor) and optimistic (30% compared with 17%). In addition, when girls had a mentor, they were less likely to be stressed (26% with a mentor and 41% without) or anxious (18% compared with 36%), according to data from Être.
When girls had mentors, they were also more likely to feel confident (44% compared with 26%) generally, and they were specifically more confident about their ability to get a high paying job, make new friends, apply for an internship, try out for a new team, seek help regarding social media and speak in public, again based on Être data.
Mentorship is a point of leverage in affecting girls’ experiences and wellbeing. Get involved and find ways to spend time with girls through schools or community programs—or through your own network of girls in your community. Build trusting relationships in which you can coach and nurture girls.
1. Reinforce their Confidence
An important way to help in the devastation that girls face is by reinforcing their confidence. They need the encouragement. Among girls ages 13 to 18, levels of confidence dropped 18% last year and 12% the previous year, according to Être. And ROX reports that since 2017, girls’ confidence levels have dropped from 68% to 55%, with the largest declines in confidence among 5th and 6th graders with a reduction 86% to 68%.
Again, mentorship can play a positive role. Fully 91% of girls told Être they felt more confident with a mentor. Specifically, 45% of those with mentors felt confident compared to 33% without mentors.
When you’re offering support to girls, reinforce their skills and capabilities and demonstrate you respect them and value them. Feeling seen is significantly correlated with mental health—and it contributes toward confidence. So acknowledge their struggles, their challenges, their capabilities and your belief in their resilience.
Support girls by helping them to manage stress
2. Help them Find their Voice
Another important way to support girls and stem the deterioration of their experience is to help them find their voices. Fully 59% of girls in the ROX poll reported they like to be in charge, but they are afraid to step forward and lead because they don’t want others to think they are bossy.
In addition, 66% avoid sharing their thinking and avoid disagreeing because they want to be liked. And 67% of girls have been told they’re too loud or opinionated, according to ROX.
When you’re coaching and mentoring, ask questions and then pay attention and listen to their answers. Help them develop their thinking and support them in articulating their point of view firmly and constructively. Let girls know their opinions matter—and others can learn from all they offer.
#James Donaldson notes: Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes. Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use. Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.#http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book, #CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
Girls also struggle with feeling empowered to learn and grow. A majority—66%—say they believe they can increase their intelligence and 82% say they like to try new things. Both of these are good news, since they are related to a growth mindset in which people believe they can improve and increase capability over time.
Unfortunately though, 78% of girls do everything they can to avoid making mistakes or failing, and 65% of girls put pressure on themselves to be perfect, according to ROX data.
You can help by finding out what girls are interested in and then encouraging them to explore and develop their skills in those areas. Let them know that it’s okay to fail and that pushing themselves to grow and develop will be both challenging and rewarding.
4. Help the With Stress Management and Self Care
A whopping 76% of 5th graders feel they are under tremendous pressure, and their biggest stressors are school, grades, friendships and family issues respectively. Fully 79% of girls report they are under so much pressure, they feel like they’re going to explode, according to data from ROX.
And stress increases as girls grow up. Through the ages of 13 and 18, the percentage of girls who say they feel stressed increases by 241%, more than tripling. And the percentage of girls who say they are anxious increases by 88%, nearly doubling, according to Être.
Girls want help. In fact, the Être poll found 54% of girls wanted mentors to help them with stress and anxiety and 47% wanted their mentor to help them improve their mental health.
You can have a significant impact by being there for girls, and also by letting girls know stress is a normal part of life. Help them develop strategies for coping, self care and resilience—and ensure they’re aware of mental health resources.
Support girls by offering career advice and guidance
5. Help them Manage Social Media
Social media use is significantly correlated with the decline of mental health. In fact, 65% of girls report how they feel about their bodies affects their confidence, and the more time they spend on social media, the less confident they feel.
Fully 88% feel pressure to be pretty and 57% say social media makes them want to change the way they look. And social media use is increasing—with 46% of 5th grade girls reporting they spend 6 or more hours a day using social media, according to ROX.
When you’re coaching and mentoring girls, put away your own device and be fully present for them. Let them know about the impacts of social media and point out how they can discern sources which are more and less credible. Also help girls manage their intake of social media by suggesting habits which limit their time online in favor of spending time with friends and family device-free.
6. Help them Plan for Their Career
Another meaningful way to support girls is by empowering them and helping them to plan for their career journey. Again, girls need help in this area. In the ROX poll, 57% of girls (up from 23% in 2017) said they weren’t sure they were smart enough to obtain their dream career and 41% of girls with a 4.0 GPA or higher said they didn’t think they were smart enough for their ideal job.
Girls experience a decline over the years on this metric as well. Those between the ages of 13 and 18 experienced a 51% decline in feeling smart and a 31% decline in feeling creative, according to Etre.
On the plus side however, mentoring made a difference. Among girls with a mentor, 45% felt smart, while only 33% without a mentor said the same. Girls (58% of them) also said it was important to them to have a mentor who was focused on the career they were interested in—and 42% said they believed receiving advice from someone successful would help them meet their goals. And 56% want support from a mentor to figure out what they want to be when they grow up—and to help them plan their career. All of this was based on Etre data.
Girls have a broad range of interests and desires for the coaching they receive from mentors: 91% would like guidance in finance, 84% in STEM, 84% in music or art, 84% in culinary arts, 81% in social activism, 81% in media, 75% in fashion and 74% in sports, according to Etre.
The bottom line: You can make a difference for girls by helping them identify their passions and determine how to explore them. You can share your career journey and experiences—both where you’ve succeeded and where you’ve stumbled—so they can take steps, make plans and dream big about their own career journey.
7. Take Action
You can have a powerfully positive influence on girls, but time is a critical factor. While 66% of girls told Etre that a mentor at any point in their journey would be helpful, 34% wished they had found a mentor earlier.
Finding a place in your community or a platform to connect with girls, and taking the initiative to offer support are helpful. According to Etre, 65% of girls are interested in having a mentor but they don’t know where to start. In addition, 35% know someone who would be a good mentor, but they are afraid to ask for help. And 84% would like it if someone helped them connect with a mentor.
Girls tend to feel seven times more confident when they feel they belong and feel they can be their true selves. Their confidence grows when they feel empowered to try new things, speak their mind and lead—and when they have a supportive adult in their lives. All of this is based on the ROX data and points to the importance of reaching out, supporting, coaching and mentoring girls.
Model the Way
You can have a huge influence on girls—and you don’t have to be personally perfect show up and do your best. You can model confidence, resilience, good choices, boundaries, stress management and a priority for growth. The primary we learn is through watching others, listening to them and experiencing them—and when girls have great relationships the effect is significant.
By being authentic and present—and by taking the time to build a relationship with a girl—you can help her, but you can also help all the people who will be impacted by the empowered contributions she’ll be able to make throughout her life.
James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at jamesd@yourgiftoflife.org and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
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