In 2021, when Adam Gelinas opened a psychotherapy clinic specifically for men, many people doubted it would succeed.
“People thought it was crazy,” he said.
Four years later, First Steps Men Therapy has four offices across Ontario and has helped more than 6,000 men across Canada address challenges such as depression, substance abuse and pornography addiction.
“Our goal is to normalize that it’s OK to struggle,” said Gelinas, who has struggled with mental health issues himself.
For Gelinas, the experience of seeing a male therapist changed his life — and motivated him to become a registered psychotherapist.
“I feel like I have a reason to be on this planet and help people and give back,” he said, describing how beginning therapy nine years ago impacted his life.
Gelinas and otherssay men’s mental health supports can change — and save — men’s lives. But men often struggle to ask for help, and when they do, their needs can go unrecognized.
#James Donaldson notes: Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes. Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use. Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.#http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book, #CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
This past June, Manitoba celebrated its first Men’s Mental Health Awareness Week. The law that created the awareness week called suicide among men in rural Manitoba “a silent crisis.”
The numbers paint a stark picture.
In 2023, suicide claimed 4,447 Canadian lives. Men account for about 75 per cent of those deaths.For men under 50, suicide is the second-leading cause of death.
In 2023, a Senate committee said Canada needs a new suicide prevention framework that “acknowledge[s] the overrepresentation of men and boys in Canada’s suicide rate.” It recommended research into targeted suicide interventions for men and boys.
Mental health professionals say men often struggle to express their emotions and may be slower to seek help.
“Men are not proactive, for lack of a better word, in taking care of their health, whether it’s physical or mental,” said Joe Rachert, who manages partnerships and community engagement for HeadsUpGuys, an online men’s mental health resource.
About 10,000 men visit the site a week from 50 countries, he says, with Canadians accounting for a significant amount of that traffic.
Men are often taught that being a man means not showing weakness or needing help, says John Oliffe, a registered nurse and founder of the Men’s Health Research program at the University of British Columbia.
Oliffe encourages men to view going to therapy like “building a team.”
“What’s working for you this season might not be working for you next,” he said. “You’ve just got to switch people in and out, and you have to often work hard to ask for help more than once.”
When men do ask for help, they can be met with criticism for not reaching out earlier or told that masculinity is toxic, says Justin Trottier, executive director of the Canadian Centre for Men and Families, a charity for men and their children.
“We’re communicating that men are not a priority, and then we wonder why men are not reaching out to get the help that they need,” said Trottier, who noted that social supports — like counselling or emergency shelters — are most often marketed to women.
Even when men do seek help, it is not always successful. Sixty per cent of men who died by suicide in Canada saw a mental health professional in the year before their death, Oliffe says.
“If a guy has a bad experience when he first goes to seek help professionally, he’s very unlikely to come back,” said Oliffe.
‘Rawness surfaces’
Men’s mental health supports are important because depression — a key risk factor for suicide — often goes undetected.
Men often “mask” their depression in destructive behaviours such as substance abuse, pornography, gambling or even working too much, says Gelinas.
Depression in men also often comes out as anger or irritability, rather than sadness, and may not always be detected.
“If a man comes in and theirpresenting issue is anger, I typically think of them [as] perhaps being depressed,” said Gerry Goertzen, a psychotherapist in Winnipeg who mostly serves men.
Often, beneath a man’s anger is depression, insecurity or self-loathing, says Goertzen. “Men are a little bit less aware of [their emotions],” he said.
“Maybe you could say the rawness surfaces in a different way, and anger is quite often one of those [ways],” he said.
Men’s risk for suicide spikes significantly when they experience a loss, particularly a divorce or romantic breakup.
An Australian study, published in March, found men with no history of suicidal ideationwere 82 per cent more likely to experience this ideation after a breakup.
Men “may be more isolated” after a breakup, said Oliffe, who worked on the study. Men often have fewer friends than womenand may rely more on their romantic partner.
“A lot of shame and guilt comes up after a breakup,” said Gelinas.
‘Like gold’
If isolation is a risk factor for suicide, good friendships can be critical to preventing it.
Professional therapy can be helpful, says Goertzen. But the therapist-client relationship is “transactional.” Clients are essentially “paying for a friend,” he said.
“What’s even better is when a man has a close best friend who is of the same mind and really honours and respects mental health needs and can talk openly about all the things going on inside,” said Goertzen. He and his best friend communicate multiple times a day, including about their struggles.
Finding a friend like this is hard, he says. Deep relationships can take years to form, and not every friendship will have this depth.
But deep friendships are “like gold,” said Goertzen. “It really, genuinely saves lives, that type of friendship.”
As far as professional therapy goes, Gelinas says interest among men is growing. Younger men in particular are more willing to ask for help.
“I don’t feel that men come as much with this sort of idea that therapy is for weak people,” he said.
Gelinas still attends therapy himself — although with a different therapist from the one he started with nine years ago.
“I need to do the work, too,” he said.
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James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at jamesd@yourgiftoflife.org and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
