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When Courtney Browning’s daughter Emersyn started kindergarten, she came home exhausted. “She got on the bus at 8:15am and didn’t get home until 4:30pm, so sometimes she would melt down at the end of the day,” Browning said. “Or she would fall asleep on the couch, and that would interfere with bedtime later.”
Browning has taught kindergarten in Ohio for 11 years, but it still took a few weeks for her daughter to adjust to starting elementary school, and it’s not just the long days. Kindergarten has gotten more academic: In 1998, 31 percent of teachers expected kids to learn to read in kindergarten, while 80 percent did in 2010. Kids might still do fingerpainting and run around on the playground, but they are expected to sit still and do structured activities for the bulk of the day — a big change, even for kids who went to preschool as Browning’s daughter did.
Here are 10 tips from teachers and clinical experts on what you can do to smooth your child’s transition to kindergarten.
Prioritize sleep
“Sleep is so important,” says Kersten Russell, MSEd, a reading specialist on the School and Community Programs team at the Child Mind Institute. “I see a lot of kids who are overtired at school, and lack of sleep can definitely contribute to behavioral challenges or meltdowns.”
Over the summer, you might have let your kid stay up late but try to start adjusting to an earlier bedtime at least two weeks before school starts. “Each day you’re going to make bedtime a little bit closer to the time it’s supposed to be,” says Jane Wong, PsyD, an associate neuropsychologist at the Gund Learning and Diagnostic Center at the Child Mind Institute. You also want to have good sleep hygiene, she says. That means no screens an hour before bedtime and doing a relaxing activity, like reading books together, to help wind down and get sleepy.
Introduce group activities
If kids haven’t been in preschool or day care, it’s helpful to expose them to other structured activities so they can practice following directions from a teacher in a group setting. Otherwise, “they don’t quite understand that they have to sit and listen. Even if they don’t 100 percent want to participate in an activity, they still need to do what everyone else is doing,” Browning says. Russell suggests bringing your child to library story hour or music classes, which are similar to a classroom environment and can go a long way in easing the transition.
Visit the school in advance
“The best thing for parents to do to prepare kids is give them as much predictability as possible,” Dr. Wong says. The actual first day of school can be chaotic, so you don’t want that to be the first time they go there. Bring the child to the neighborhood around school and walk around, making them feel safe, and explain that this is the school they’ll be going to soon. “The tone of voice when you talk to the child is also important, conveying that this is a safe place, a fun place,” she says.
Even kids who have been in a preschool program might get nervous about going to a new school, getting to know an unfamiliar teacher and making friends. It can help if you talk about what might be different in kindergarten to prepare them, Dr. Wong says. There will likely be more kids in the class than in preschool, for example, and older kids in the hallway.
Bring a family photo to soothe anxiety
Separation anxiety is mostly a problem in the first few weeks of school. But it can come up throughout the year after a long weekend or vacation — even with kids who didn’t have problems when school first started.
If kids struggle with separation anxiety, having a photo of their parents or a special trinket with them can be helpful, Browning says. When they feel anxious, they can look at the photo or touch the trinket that their mom and dad had touched before, and that can soothe them. Her school has a therapy dog that also helps calm kids down.
One thing Browning warns against is keeping kids home from school to give them a break or telling kids that if they are having a bad day, they can tell the teacher and the parent will come get them. “If you give kids an option to go home, they’ll reach for that immediately instead of trying to cope,” Browning says.
Normalize feeling nervous
Some kids don’t know any of the others in the class and worry that they won’t make friends. On the first day of school, Browning says, she’ll tell her students, “We are all in the same boat — I don’t know any of you, so I understand feeling nervous.” Parents can say they’re nervous, too, to normalize the emotion.
It can also help to give them a script they can use for meeting someone for the first time. “You can say, ‘Hello, my name is John. Nice to meet you.’ Role-playing can really help,” Dr. Wong says. For kids who have social anxiety, you can practice smiling and waving — “give them as many tools in their toolbox as you can, for whatever they feel comfortable doing.”
Deep breathing exercises can also help kids find calm when they feel anxious. Parents can find belly breathing videos online to watch with their kids and practice together (here’s one with instructions and another on how to use it). The videos show in a very visualized way how to take slow, deep breaths in their belly, like a balloon, and letting it out again. “I suggest following along with the videos because it allows your child to watch and listen to the instructions while they learn and practice belly breathing, and pairing different sensory modalities is important for learning,” Dr. Wong says.
Prepare for potty independence
Don’t be surprised if kids regress a bit at the start of school — having accidents after they’ve been potty trained for years. Kids need to learn to recognize the urge to use the bathroom without being asked by a parent, which takes practice. Another issue is that kids might be used to having parents help them in the bathroom. “Even with my own kids, I didn’t realize that I was going in and doing everything for them,” Browning says. “And then I thought, ‘Wait a second. When I stop doing this, they’re not going to know how to do it.’”
She says it’s important to break things down into small steps and narrate as you go, like remembering to use soap to wash your hands and then getting a paper towel to dry them. “You need to practice until they can do it independently, without prompting,” she says. Otherwise, at school, they will be waiting for verbal prompts from an adult for each step — something the teacher can’t do for every child.
Create a visual checklist
Kids are responsible for their own things at schools, so it’s helpful to practice some of the routines at home before school starts, Dr. Wong says. When they go into the classroom, they will be expected to put their things away in a cubby. “At home, you can pretend. This is your cubby. What do you do when you’re going to the classroom? You put away your jacket, put away your backpack, and maybe take out your water bottle,” she says. Kids can learn to pack their backpack using a visual checklist, with small photos or simple icons of a water bottle, snack, and lunchbox (which you can find on Google Image), for example. These practice sessions are especially helpful for kids who have problems with organization or trouble managing their belongings, she says.
Work on hand strength
In the last few years, Browning has noticed a decrease in fine-motor skills in new students, which translates into trouble with handwriting (she attributes it to the use of touchscreens and tablets supplanting drawing and other play that requires dexterity). If your kids like to use Play-Doh, she says, try substituting putty, which is a little harder to manipulate and will strengthen fingers. She also encourages beading bracelets, threading beads on pipe cleaners, and picking up things with tweezers or a clothespin — anything that will increase dexterity and hand strength. It also helps if kids come in with at least some experience using scissors safely, even if it’s just cutting a piece of paper in half.
Practice opening snacks
If your child has favorite snacks they will want to bring to school, make sure they know how to open them on their own. Parents often twist open applesauce pouches before handing them over to their child, for example, but teachers don’t have time to do that for every kid. With a little practice, little fingers can do it, along with opening zippered baggies and other snacks.
Clementines are another kid favorite — and Browning suggests (on behalf of all kindergarten teachers) that you break open the peel in one spot before putting it in the bag. Start it for them, she says, and kids can usually peel the rest on their own.
Alleviate lunchroom anxiety
Eating lunch on their own is a common worry for kids. In the weeks leading up to school, Browning recommends packing a lunch box and having them eat it at the kitchen table. You can see what they struggle with, so you can practice with them until they feel more confident doing it on their own.
The noise and hubbub of the cafeteria can be tough for some kids, she says, but exposure helps. Take them to a busy food court for a meal so they can get used to eating in a loud place.
Kids can also feel nervous about the lunchroom because they don’t know what to do when they need help. “Before school started my daughter asked me, what if I can’t find my teacher?” Browning says. “She was hung up on the idea that her teacher was the only person she could turn to.” If she got lost finding her way back to the cafeteria from the bathroom, for example, she could go to any adult in the school and ask for help. Telling her daughter that helped alleviate some of her anxiety.
And hopefully, this will alleviate some of your own anxiety as well. You will need to respond to things as they arise but just being aware of what the issues might be can make the transition to kindergarten go a little smoother.
#James Donaldson notes: Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes. Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use. Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.#http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book, #CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
What is the best way to help my child adjust to elementary school?
What should I do if my child is nervous about starting elementary school?
Normalize the anxiety by sharing that even adults feel that way sometimes, and practice calming strategies like deep breathing or role-playing how to meet new friends.
What role do teachers play in helping kids transition to school?
James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at jamesd@yourgiftoflife.org and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
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