A toxic marriage with frequent conflicts due to marrying the wrong person could have a devastating impact on one’s mental health, according to psychiatrists.
The mental health experts cautioned that marrying the wrong partner could lead to depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts, stressing that marital conflict negatively affects the mental health of both husbands and wives.
Speaking exclusively with PUNCH Healthwise, the physicians emphasized the importance of choosing the right partner, pointing out that marrying someone not compatible might also lead to persistent stress, regret, and anxiety.
There has been a disturbing trend of individuals taking their own lives due to marital problems and related issues.
PUNCH Healthwise reports that this alarming trend has been observed in various cases, including two recent incidents involving Nigerian nationals residing in the United States.
In one of the cases, a 64-year-old Nigerian professor at Kutztown University in Pennsylvania, Chukwudubem Okafor, fatally shot his Jamaican wife, Cheryl, before taking his own life in a tragic murder-suicide.
According to Detective Joel Vonnille of the Berks County Coroner’s Office, the investigation revealed that the couple had marital problems, which led to the devastating incident.
In another incident, a 36-year-old Nigerian cardiologist based in the United States, Dr. Ikenna Erinne, reportedly committed suicide after losing a child support case to his ex-wife.
The prolonged divorce battle, including the custody of their children, had taken a toll on Dr. Erinne, who was ordered to pay $15,000 in monthly child support.
These tragic incidents highlight the growing concern of marital problems leading to mental health issues and, in extreme cases, suicide.
Reacting, some mental health experts who spoke with our correspondent, stressed that marrying the wrong partner could have severe consequences on one’s mental health, including depression, anxiety, and even suicidal tendencies.
A Psychiatrist, Dr Sunday Amosu emphasized the significance of selecting a compatible marriage partner.
Amosu, who is the Head of Drug Addiction Treatment Education Research at Federal Neuropsychiatric Hospital, Aro, Abeokuta, Ogun State, noted that ignoring parental advice and proceeding with a marriage that was not approved could lead to a range of problems, including depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies.
According to the mental health physician, when individuals enter into a marriage without proper guidance and support, they may struggle with feelings of isolation, loneliness, and depression.
He explained that this can be particularly challenging when the relationship turns sour, and the individual feels unable to seek help from their parents or other trusted authorities.
Amosu stressed the importance of pre-marital counseling, noting that many people get into problems because they didn’t undergo counseling before getting married.
He advised individuals to seek the services of professional counselors, mentors, or accountability partners who can provide guidance and support during and after marriage.
The psychiatrist also noted that marital problems can have severe consequences on mental health, including depression, anxiety disorders, and even suicidal tendencies.
He emphasized that individuals should prioritize their mental health and well-being when choosing a partner, rather than ignoring potential red flags or sacrificing their happiness for the sake of the relationship.
“So, people should not die in suffering. When there is violence, don’t keep quiet. Don’t die in silence. Cry out. If you cry out, the solution may be on the way. Somebody may come to your rescue.
“We know that sometimes the couple may need to separate for some time and later come together again rather than being killed like a chicken. I think people should not die in silence. They should come out.
“What is yours will always be yours. We encourage people to come out and speak out. If this man will marry you, he will still marry you. If this lady will marry you, she will still marry you. If you go into marriage under deceit, and this person gets that discomfort, he or she may leave you. And the fear you had at the beginning of not losing, ultimately will still happen. Then is it worth the trouble? We must be sincere in marriage,” he stressed.
Speaking further on how marriage can lead to mental breakdown, the psychiatrist added, “It has also been found that marital discord usually precedes depression in those who are married. So, another group of people are those who have suffered a mental breakdown, because they didn’t tell their spouse, whether it is the husband or the wife, how exactly they feel. When either of the partners discovers, usually a lack of trust will come in.
“When there is a lack of trust, the person will not trust again; it will be a serious one. And sometimes the marriage may break down.
“Also, when there are major life challenges that people go through, maybe exit events, somebody suddenly dies, it is a sort of kidnapping, ritualism, an armed robber came to the house and raped the wife in the presence of the husband, they may not enjoy that relationship again.
“These are major life traumas. Even with the stresses that we go through, and the challenge of our children; maybe they are not doing well in school as expected. So, all those things will tend to people developing depression.
“Even physical illness. When they have some physical illness and they have to use medication for a long time, people have cancer. They also develop depression.
“So, all these are in the context of a relationship. If a partner is not aware, there will be a problem later.”
Continuing, the mental health physician said, “Today, it is important that our youth must be patient when it comes to relationships. Even for parents, we must be able to guide our children appropriately.
“What we need is to support them, remove sentiment, and be sure that they’ll be able to live together and all the necessary support that they need in marriage, we must be able to give them.”
“If they are not able to cope, if one partner is not happy, they may also have a mental breakdown. Most of the time, it is usually with depression.”
So, parents need to be careful.
#James Donaldson notes: Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes. Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use. Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.#http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book, #CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
“Youth must be sure of what they are going into. Like I always warn, if parents are saying no, please be careful. If you are a male like me and you have younger siblings who are female, if you bring somebody and they don’t approve, you need to be very careful.
“People must be careful. We must make an informed decision and be sure that we are making the right decision. If not, sometimes people will have to live with regret for the rest of their lives.”
On his part, a psychiatrist at the Federal Neuro-Psychiatric Hospital, Yaba, Lagos State, Dr. Oyebode Fadipe emphasized the importance of choosing the right partner.
According to him, marrying someone who is not compatible with you can lead to a lot of conflict and stress.
Fadipe explained that when individuals are in a relationship with someone who does not understand or support them, it can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
He further stated that when individuals are in a relationship with someone who does not share their values or goals, it could lead to feelings of frustration and resentment.
He noted that marrying the wrong person can also lead to a loss of identity.
“When you’re in a relationship with someone who is controlling or manipulative, you can start to lose sense of who you are and what you want,” he said.
The psychiatrist noted that it is essential for individuals to take the time to get to know someone before committing to marriage.
He warned, “Rushing into a marriage without properly getting to know the person can lead to disastrous consequences.
“Being able to communicate effectively with your partner is crucial for building a strong and healthy relationship.”
The physician stressed the need for individuals to prioritize their mental health and well-being when choosing a partner.
“You should never feel like you are sacrificing your happiness or well-being for the sake of a relationship,” he said.
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James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at [email protected] and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
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