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James Donaldson on Mental Health – Michael Phelps is pleading with men to get therapy to help deal with the mental health crisis. ‘Try it once, please’
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Phelps thinks the biggest barrier to men getting help for their mental health is the stigma around vulnerability.
Even though he retired in 2016, Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps says he still has the mindset of an athlete. The determination that drove him to win 28 medals is now fueling his work as a mental health advocate, and his latest partnership with online therapy platform Talkspace.
“As an athlete, I can say I’ve seen other athletes as well who struggle with depression or anxiety like I do,” Phelps tells Fortune. “We just spiral because that’s just what we’ve done throughout our career, right?”
One area that he feels needs more attention is men’s mental health. Just 40% of American men with a mental illness received mental health care services in the past year, compared to 52% of women, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Moreover, men are nearly four times more likely to die by suicide than women, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
And Phelps thinks the biggest barrier to men getting help for their mental health is the stigma around vulnerability.
“Vulnerability is such a scary word for a lot of people,” Phelps says.
It was his vulnerability—and choosing to admit himself to an inpatient treatment center in 2014—that he thinks saved his life, which has left him passionate and motivated to help others.
#James Donaldson notes: Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes. Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use. Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.#http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book, #CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
When Phelps was actively competing, he tried to keep his emotions in check by suppressing them, thinking that would make him a better swimmer.
“As a male athlete, I thought opening up would be a sign of weakness and I would be giving my competitors an extra edge,” Phelps says.
But now, Phelps reflects that all of his compartmentalizing was only causing those difficult emotions—including feelings of anxiety and depression—to reach uncontrollable levels.
“I probably could’ve won more gold medals being someone who is super good at compartmentalizing,” Phelps says, “but in reality, at any given moment the volcano could erupt.”
Phelps admits that opening up was challenging at first, because of his belief that vulnerability was weakness. Now, Phelps frequently opens up to friends, his wife, and his therapist about what he’s feeling, after seeing how much of a difference it made for him.
“I was scared as can be to [open up] for two decades and now it’s almost like you can’t get me to stop. If I’m going through a tough time, it’s word vomit,” Phelps says.
“I am a straight open book.”
Vulnerability is hard—and necessary
After Phelps’ first retirement following the 2012 London Olympics (he returned to the sport and won five gold medals in the 2016 Rio Olympics), he was in a dark place, he says.
“I looked at suicide in the eye at least once or twice and I know how scary that can be,” Phelps says. “But I also know what it’s like on the other side. I also know what it’s like getting help and trying to be the best version of yourself.”
For a long time, Phelps perceived vulnerability as a threat to his performance—and many men feel that vulnerability equals weakness, even without the crushing pressures of being on the Olympic stage.
“If you would’ve told me back when I first opened up that’s all it took—was to just share what was going on inside of me—I would have told you you were absolutely crazy,” Phelps says.
But vulnerability can be a strength for many men, it turns out.
“By taking off that mask, which is something that mental health treatment can do, it allows that individual to be more vulnerable…to be a better leader, a better supervisor, a better partner,” Ryan Kopyar, licensed mental health counselor and author of the book Big Boys Do Cry, told Fortune.
Find a friend
Therapy can feel intimidating, which is why Phelps encourages men to find a friend they can confide in. He regularly leans on his group chat of guy friends just to check in on one another, or to share when one of them is going through a tough moment—what Phelps calls, “rollercoasters.”
Having a friend who knows you on a deep level, without judgment, is essential, Phelps believes.
“A friend of mine just asked me the other day, ‘Do you have a friend that knows everything about you? And I was like, ‘Yeah, a hundred percent without question,’” Phelps says. “Because, you need that safety net. You need that friend. You need that person who loves you unconditionally.”
But as helpful as having a trusted friend or group chat can be, Phelps is still a big proponent of therapy, and has regular sessions with his own therapist.
“Coming out of there, I just felt like a new person,” he says of his first therapy session back in 2014.
“If you are wary or nervous about trying therapy for the first time, I was the same way. Try it. Try it once, please,” Phelps says.
Phelps knows how valuable being vulnerable can be when faced with some of the darkest mental health challenges—which is why he’s hoping that his passion for mental health will help other men who struggle to open up like he once did.
“At the end of the day, my number one goal is to try and save a life,” Phelps says. “I want to talk as many people off that ledge as I possibly can.”
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James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at [email protected] and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
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