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James Donaldson on Mental Health – Supporting men’s mental health: A guide for women
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James Donaldson on Mental Health – Supporting men’s mental health: A guide for women
By Alyssa Hunt
In recent years, the conversation around mental health has gained significant traction, highlighting the importance of emotional well-being for everyone, regardless of gender. However, reports from Statista show that men are still far less likely to receive mental health treatment compared to women, and the suicide rate among men is around 3.6 times higher than that of women.
“Men face unique challenges when it comes to mental health that discourages them from pursuing professional support, resulting in untreated conditions that may worsen over time,” says Paola Vidauri, LMFT, Clinical Therapist II in the Substance Abuse and Recovery Program at the Loma Linda University Behavioral Medical Center. “Women can play a crucial role in supporting the men in their lives to help them navigate the stigma around mental health and foster an environment of understanding and acceptance.”
Acknowledge the ‘unspoken rule’
Mental health stigmas in men are often formed early in life, shaped by societal, cultural, and familial influences. As adolescents, boys are typically told to “stop crying” or “suck it up” when faced with emotional stress. This type of emotional discouragement is just one facet of what Vidauri calls the unspoken rule, which includes stereotypes such as:
If a man shows his feelings, he is weak.
A man is the provider of the family, his worth is tied to financial success.
Men are independent and should rely on self-sufficiency to not burden others.
When adolescent boys have feelings of sadness, anger, or grief, they may feel pressure to conform to masculine norms and suppress their emotions, which can lead to unhealthy coping skills.
When adults downplay young boys’ emotions, it essentially tells them not to talk, which leads to men feeling uncomfortable if they talk about their feelings as adults, Vidauri says.
“When we get men in our programs who don’t want to talk, it has a lot to do with the unspoken ground rules they learned growing up, the idea that expressing emotions is reserved for women,” she says.
How women can help
If you are supporting a male loved one through their mental health journey, “don’t give up,” Vidauri reinforces. “I know it’s hard, especially because men must first express themselves in ways they were told wasn’t okay when they were growing up, but don’t give up.”
Here are some ways women Vidauri says can help men navigate their mental health journey:
SHARING EXPERIENCES
Discussing mental health helps normalize and destigmatize the topic. Exposure to the topic helps serve as a motivator for men to talk more openly about what they are going through.
PAUSING TO LISTEN
Women often find it easier to discuss their experiences, but when conversing with a man who might not be accustomed to opening up, Vidauri suggests taking a moment to listen, as it’s important to include his opinions and viewpoints in the conversation.
INVITE THEM TO YOUR THERAPY
When dealing with a man who is reluctant to attend therapy, Vidauri suggests inviting him to your sessions so that they can see what the process is like. “If a woman tells a man he needs to go to therapy, he might get defensive and resist. However, it’s different if she invites him to join her as a part of her supportive network.” The idea is that when a hesitant person sees someone benefiting from therapy, they may become interested and start to view mental health care more positively.
SET BOUNDARIES
Nobody likes feeling uncomfortable, so it’s essential to be patient and set boundaries for yourself. While it’s important to help those around us, women must remember not to overextend themselves to the point where they become passive and neglect their boundaries.
WHAT IF THEY DON’T WANT HELP?
Dealing with a loved one who doesn’t want help can be tricky because you don’t want them to shut down or shut you out. “Love them, but don’t work harder than them,” Vidauri says, “because that can make them push back.” The more you ask them to get help, the more likely they will avoid discussing personal topics with you.
To help with this, Viduari suggests using the “three rules” method. Instead of bombarding a loved one with texts, calls, and visits, you check on them every three days. This lets them know that you are still there for them, but you respect them enough not to unintentionally burden them or push them away.
#James Donaldson notes: Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes. Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use. Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.#http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book, #CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
It can be challenging for men to deal with their mental health. Vidauri offers these simple tips to help men manage and improve their mental health.
Exercise: Regular exercise can help reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Vitamin D: Boosting your vitamin D levels by going outside or being near a window helps regulate the mood and ward off depression.
Avoid isolation: Maintaining in-person friendships rather than relying solely on online friends fosters interpersonal support with loved ones.
Build a community: If you can’t surround yourself with friends and family, or you need additional community, there are numerous support groups for issues like depression and addiction.
Eat well: Processed foods might taste good, but a balanced meal benefits the body and mental health.
Get a checkup: Sometimes, a person experiencing mental health issues may have a deficiency in a specific hormone or vitamin, which a doctor can assess.
Self-care: In today’s fast-paced society, taking a mental break can be challenging, but stepping back to relax and express gratitude can help a man regain focus on the positive aspects of life.
Photo by Mental Health America (MHA) on Pexels.com
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James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at [email protected] and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
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