Over the last several years, I’ve been burdened to write something on my blog about suicide. But I’ve also been hesitant. The seriousness and sensitivity of the topic fuels both my reluctance and sense of obligation.
I’m hesitant because I’m afraid that someone who has lost someone to suicide might find it insensitive. To those who might feel this way, I want to assure you that this is not my aim. I, too, have had family and friends take their own life. I’m rattled every time I hear of another case, whether in the public eye or in the context of the people I know. Suicide is devastating and destabilizing.
This is why I am compelled to write something for those who might come across my blog. I’m burdened for those who might be suffering. Suicide rates are skyrocketing, and the church is not immune. According to the CDC, in the U.S., suicide is “the second leading cause of death in people aged 10–34 and the fifth in people aged 35–54.” This is staggering. In 2023, the U.S. surgeon general called mental health “the defining health crisis of our time.” That same year, more than 50,000 Americans committed suicide, “more than any year on record. It’s difficult to argue with the Harvard Medical School, “Suicide is an epidemic.”
I realize there are a variety of reasons why someone might consider taking their own life. I will not pretend to oversimplify this with some silver bullet approach. However, I think that one of the dangerous realities of the suicide epidemic is that people who are contemplating it are often not talking about it with anyone. They feel alone, defeated, and hopeless. This brief interaction is intended to provide a framework, or at least some railings for a conversation. Or, if you are thinking about this right now, may it be a conversation partner with you. I pray it’s helpful and received with the spirit intended.
What is suicide?
In recent years, you may have noticed some of the language around suicide has changed. In the past, we’d read of someone who “committed suicide.” Now, we read of people who “died of suicide.” Why the change? Formerly, the language placed responsibility on the one who took their own life. Whereas today, it’s standard to employ the term “died by suicide” because “it removes culpability from the person who has lost their life and allows a discussion about the disease or disorder from which they were suffering.”
The motive seems intended to help those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. This is an important consideration. Hopefully, it will provide some of the intended aid to those suffering.
At the same time, and without minimizing suffering or the complexity of mental health, it’s clear that this shift establishes some daylight between a biblical understanding of suicide and what is often discussed in wider media. Christians should rejoice in the significant progress in understanding and treating mental health. We also have to ensure we are not blurring the lines of biblical morality in our conclusions.
We need to be clear that suicide is a sin because suicide is murder. And murder is a sin. When we commit suicide, we are taking our life. We are killing ourselves. Not every case of mental health results in suicide, and not every suicide is a case of mental illness. But every act of suicide is murder. Various factors are at play, but removing the moral category is neither biblically accurate nor does it seem helpful. From the perspective of the Bible, we know that sin darkens our minds and our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9; Romans 1:22ff). When discussing this serious topic, Christians should stay true to the Bibllical framework while acknowledging the various complexities present. It might just be the clarifying light needed to disuade a sensitive and crushed spirit from making the wrong choice.
It’s true that suicide is not the unpardonable sin. At the same time, the Bible does not teach that suicide is the way of salvation from our suffering. There is another way. God provides the better way. The dignity of humanity and the sovereignty of God require us to agree that killing ourselves is never the right solution. But neither is it outside the category of sins that God will pardon for those in Christ.
Seeing suicide in the category of self-murder, while out of step with many in society, is consistent with the Biblical perspective. There are many other cases where the precepts of the Lord restrain us from sinning. Perhaps more clarity on what suicide is and the effects on others might bring illumination. For those suffering in despair and considering suicide, moral clarity on what suicide is may be more helpful for them than hurtful.
Why are you alive?
People can often wilt under the dark clouds of depression, thinking about reasons why they want to die. Sadly, once someone begins to entertain these thoughts, it’s often quite challenging to reason soundly or to get out from under its shadow. Dr. Rebecca Bernert, a suicidologist and the director/founder of the suicide prevention research laboratory at Stanford School of Medicine, observes, “There’s a gross underestimation of the psychological impact of what a suicide will be, even to loved ones, and an irrational sense that [one’s death] will help people, even those they love the most.
It’s likely more helpful to think about why we should go on and who we should go on for.
Viktor Frankl, a survivor of WWII concentration camps, writes about this in his recounting of times with those suffering and in deep despair.
I remember two cases of would-be suicide, which bore a striking similarity to each other. Both men had talked of their intentions to commit suicide. Both used the typical argument that they had nothing more to expect from life. In both cases it was a question of getting them to realize that life was still expecting something from them; something in the future was expected of them. We found, in fact, that for the one it was his child whom he adored and who was waiting for him in a foreign country. For the other it was a thing, not a person. This man was a scientist and had written a series of books which still needed to be finished. His work could not be done by anyone else, any more than another person could ever take the place of the father in his child’s affections.” Man’s Search for Meaning, (p.79)
“A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the “why” for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any “how.” (p.80)
Frankl’s words are forceful. With a subtle shift in perspective, he shows the power of highlighting personal obligation. Instead of looking within and feeling despair or drawing in the sea of guilt, Frankl lifts his friends up to consider their responsibilities, the people who depend on them, and the opportunities before them. These are powerful words from anyone, but especially spoken by those in a Nazi concentration camp.
Similarly, Christians would be well-served to point our friends toward our responsibilities and opportunities toward God, our family, our friends, our church, and society. We are no longer living under the shadow of guilt. Christ has paid for our sins (Col. 2:13–14), the guilty have been declared righteous (2 Cor. 5:21), the enemies have been reconciled (Rom. 5:10–11), and the stranger has been adopted (Col. 1:21, Rom. 8:15–16). We don’t need to live on the cul-de-sac of guilt and shame; we have our ticket punched for Immanuel’s Land! As a result, there’s more for us to give, do, and experience. Life expects more from us, even if we don’t realize it. God has more for us! A good friend can point these things out when others cannot see it.
#James Donaldson notes: Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes. Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use. Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.#http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book, #CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
We aren’t meant to be alone. We can’t bear the burdens of this life by ourselves. Christians, in particular, know that we need one another. If you feel like the clouds of despair are settling and staying upon you, reach out to others for help. Call a friend or family member. Open up. Talk about it. Ask for prayer. Ask for help—request check-ins. Don’t stay in the isolation of your mind where the stale air of despair is suffocating and disorientating. Call a friend for help.
Sadly, we know that many people don’t reach out. This is why friends, family, and fellow church members should push through the false notions of being nosing or intruding and check in with others. Have real conversations. Ask how they are doing. But really ask how they are doing. Express concern. Volunteer to follow up. Do it in a way that does not condemn them but commends yourself to them.
One group of people that often get overlooked is pastors. People who regularly look after others and bear various burdens can easily feel isolated and without a friend to call. After all, they are supposed to have the answers. Pastors need friends. They need brothers to call and talk things through. They need people to check in on them. They need prayer.
Identifying people to talk to both for help and to help is crucial. If this is the defining health crisis of our time, then believers need to be concerned for others and eager to speak with words of encouragement. We need to speak with moral clarity and gospel hope. May the God of all comfort help us to help others and be helped ourselves until we reach the shore of the Celestial City.
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James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at [email protected] and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
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