James Donaldson on Mental Health – The truth about men’s mental health…

89 thoughts on “James Donaldson on Mental Health – The truth about men’s mental health…”

1. In five decades of life, on the few times I’ve reached out and been vulnerable, I got kicked in the teeth, stabbed in the back, and my heart broken. Right or wrong, I’ve learned the hard way that someone asking me to be vulnerable is on recon for weakness and opportunity.

   1. I’m half that age but i’ve seen enough to not be confident in saying whether “stabbed in the back” is metaphorical or literal

      My friend asked me to house one of his friends where the answer was “both”. Man was not all there for the rest of the time i knew him.

   2. Sorry dude…

   3. @@angrydragonslayer metaphorical…and perhaps a bit hyperbolic…but it still hurt bad when it happened. Betrayal is a cruel pill to swallow.

   4. @@WereMike i mentioned a friend doing a paternity test and my (pregnant) gf freaked

      I’m saying what happened because…. There’s no way to properly describe the feelings, neither when realising or confirming it (i ended up passing a CEFR C2 exam in the pursuit of it though which is a silver lining)

   5. I feel that. Recently hit what might’ve been the lowest point in my life and realized i cant reach out to the close friends and family in my life without facing ridicule

2. A well-known Tick Tock personality once said, “When my girl isn’t happy that’s my problem, when I’m not happy that’s also my problem.” That one stuck with me ? ?

   1. Goes well with “Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally” by Chris Rock

   2. While the meaning is still there you did kind of reverse it. It is, if you are not happy that is your problem, but if your girl is unhappy, that is also your problem. At least, that is how I recall it.

   3. And thats when you realize the only person that can make you happy is yourself…. girls only want 2 things from you. Your money and your house…. afterall we are replaceable. Their sexual parts arnt.

   4. “Basically you need to be able to provide or you are a loser” -Honest man

   5. FACTS

3. “They would rather see me die on my white horse than fall off of it.” Brutal but undeniably true.

   1. Honest but still hits hard u don’t get to feel only act

   2. This guy needs to meet my mom… ?

   3. He’s not lying

   4. Bruv they’re at a talk, a lecture, of course theyre quiet its common courtesy, i’m sure the reality of the situation shut some people up a bit more but saying they only got quiet for hearing reality then you don’t think about the context nearly hard enough

4. This is so accurate! My ex kept asking me to open up and be vulnerable with her. The only thing it did was turn her off, and give her ammunition for fights. And she had the audacity to tell me that she was the only one putting in any emotional labor. When I was vulnerable she told me “I’m not your Mother”. This is why most men love their Mothers so much, because we will never get that level of compassion from anyone else in our lives.

   1. Man your ex is as dumb as a pile of rocks. Good thing she’s your ex.

   2. Guess that’s why i hate mine, no compassion for me has ever come out of that woman’s mouth.

   3. I had a similar experience.

   4. been there mate yeah

   5. Until you finally get out on your own and start making your own decisions and suddenly loving you becomes inconvenient in mothers eyes because you don’t ask how high when she says jump anymore. She grows bitter she lost her puppet and suddenly starts talking about how “she’s doing things for herself for once.” And I am left with no one.

5. “I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone. “- Robin Williams

   1. ?

   2. i hope hes resting well wherever he is

   3. Wow. powerful words. RIP RW..

   4. source of the clip is on TED main channel called “Listening to shame | Brené Brown” at 16:23

   5. @@Gkdjd558 No they definitely meant alone, and that makes more sense in the context of the quote as well.

6. I’ve read most of her work. That man genuinely changed the way she functioned as a researcher. It was amazing.

   1. Who is she? Video doesn’t say

   2. What’s her name, or book’s title, I’m also interested pls

   3. @@ciaaras3448 Brene Brown

   4. @@Wafaloo That’s from her TED talk. Well worth it imho.

   5. ?@@stuchatterton6550No! Who is she?

7. There’s a reason why dogs are a man’s best friend.

   1. Yep. The only things out there that doesn’t judge us harshly for being down.

   2. Its always been… makes me wonder what our ancestors thought about women ?

   3. Pigeons are also a good alternative, you can even take them for walkies.

   4. Or horses, or birds, or …

   5. ?@@TheElitesRdividingUshistory books exist you know.

8. As a man, every time I’ve had a woman ask me to be more open and vulnerable, they ended up judging me for it. I learned my lesson.

   1. True.

   2. If your significant other has to suggest that you ‘open up,’ it’s probably a symptom of long-term, untreated psychological challenges.

      I also ‘opened up’ once and ended up ruining a relationship. Nine times out of ten, when a guy opens up, it’s like opening the floodgates, and a significant other is not our therapist.

      Be vulnerable and truthful in your relationships so you never have to ‘open up,’ because you were never closed. Remember, open hearts don’t need unlocking.

   3. Please, for your own sake keep trying. I’m a women who has had male friends open up to me, and it really does seem to help. It is so very important to build a strong support network that will hear you and help you when you’re struggling. If there’s anyone in your life who doesn’t, they’re not really part of your support network, are they? Opening up is always a gamble. It’s worth it to keep rolling those dice, bearing the hurt of apathy and contempt so you can find good people who will love and support you in your darkest moments.

   4. Gotta admit at first hearing that husband complain about how tough his life is made me think he’s whining like a little b—— and needs to man up.
      That is how we as men are trained to think and I admit it’s a horrible first reaction to have.

   5. Every single time

9. I was talking to my girlfriend of one year one night, saying that the one good thing I got out of my previous long term relationship was that my ex had genuinely helped me to be comfortable with my emotions, all of them, and that it was okay to cry, it’s a normal way to express an emotion with something that deeply affects you. I said, but there are girls out there that will just laugh at you and be turned off by you if you ever cry. My girlfriend just looked at me and said “yeah cos we don’t want a guy that’s crying all the time “. I was caught off guard tbh.

   I realised then that, that there are girls you can be vulnerable around, and girls you can’t, you have to be real careful which one you pick. That relationship didn’t last much longer, and I can’t help but think it was a blessing in disguise.

   1. Never cry in front of your girl, even if they say it’s fine, they will lose attraction for you, remember, women look up to men, both of them are your ex for a reason.

   2. “There are girls you can be vulnerable about”
      Maybe, and I said maybe…but the risk is too much, too high…like playing Russian Roulette, except the revolver only has one empty chamber in the cylinder.

   3. ?@@jerry-ze8wr he didn’t mention the reason for the first girl to be his ex tho

   4. Wtf do you have to be crying out about all the time

   5. @@Mat69420k Doesn’t need to. No one is to be trusted. Either way it’s a trap whether it fails soon, later, or not at all.

10. I’d rather get yelled at by a coach or my friend because most of the time if you take the tone out they’re trying to make you better but when a girl yells at you they’re trying to tear you apart

    1. Facts.

    2. Truest words

    3. @isabeltrevino

    4. Most men argue to resolve a problem most women argue to win the argument I’ve often seen two enraged men screaming at each other and just stop when one realizes he’s in the wrong, apologise have his apology accepted and then have a discussion how to resolve the issue and move on. When a woman gets proven wrong she just changes the argument subject onto another issue until she’s the victim or victor.
       I’m not being sexist here and it’s not a universal truth but I always advise younger guys the key to a happy marriage is generally accepting it’s your fault on the small stuff and saving your fighting strength for the important stuff, when it’s important state your case and stop there don’t get sucked into the subsequent mitigation arguments that’s a war of attrition and win or lose it’s never worth the casualties.

    5. @@Fergibaby1 Facts bro

11. Most women on channels like this that act like they have some insight into what men go through, miss it by a mile. But this story captures it perfectly. Kudos to this gentleman that stated it so perfectly.

12. For those wondering, the woman speaking is Brene Brown, and you can see that whole talk on Ted.

    1. Thank you! ?

13. I’m an introvert and therefore a private person. At tech school in the mid 1980’s one teacher wanted us to stand up tell something about ourselves. Due to the spot I was seated I was the last one to go and I refused. She got upset, went and got a counsilor to come talk to me.?????

    Keep in mind that I’d been off active duty 3 years at this time and you could probably guess my attitude about the councilor coming to get me from class and what was said. I told the councilor I was there to learn not socialize and if I wanted to tell anyone anything about me I’d do so in a one-on-one conversation. Councilor agreed with me and I went back to class and councilor informed teacher about what I said.

    1. Ironic that in choosing to not say anything, you told everyone a little bit about you. Only way to win is to not play. Oh wait, there is no such thing.

    2. @@poisonated7467, being a soldier I was forced to interact with people and with the Military Occupation Specialty, MOS, I had to really learn how to deal with people. As an over-the-road driver I was offered jobs because of the customer service skills I aquired. That doesn’t mean I have to tell EVERYTHING about me like I’ve seen people do. If I tell anyone anything really personal about me I’d rather do so in a normal one-on-one conversation. I also don’t discuss my financial status, religion or politics.

    3. I had the same conversation with a high school teacher, she wasnt having it and failed me. Ill always hate people like her and will never forgive them. Learned more in summer school in the 4 weeks for 1 class than the 2 years I had her in highschool.

    4. @@1776WillCommenceCanadacommon theme between you and OP: the person demanding this was a woman

    5. @@poisonated7467Hi. Normally I’m only a little bit anxious and successfully pushing back suicidal thoughts. But since being forced to come up here and share my emotions with a groom full of strangers, I (BANG)…

14. My husband has fallen off his horse several times. The first time, I fell with him. The last few times, I stood strong for him and picked him up, brushed him off and helped him start again.

    1. I fell off my horse and my wife called me a lair and a failure.

    2. If this is true then you are in the minority.not to dissaprove your good actions,but women are glorified just by doing what they promised to do during the wedding.while men are expendable despite them doing more than their vows.i hope you keep on having a healthy and may your children grow to be good humans ?

    3. I commend you and agree with you. It looks like the majority of people here are bashing women. It’s as if a man has never brought something up about us. What you said will strengthen your relationship not tear it down.

    4. This is how it should be. The woman standing for him and the man standing for her. Always together. I’m lucky that I am one of these cases.

    5. @@adriancaldera1596you are lucky.

15. I feel bad for any man who can’t be vulnerable with their wife it’s truly sad my husband has cried on my shoulder more times than I can count because of stress and I comfort him and if you seen him you would think he never cried in his life because how big of a guy he is but sometimes you just need to cry and it’s ok to let it out and vent

    1. Good to hear he has that support but you are the exception??

    2. Lies. Read the comments. Every woman here swears they’re the ONE woman in all the world who understands and respects her man even when he’s weak. Meanwhile millions of men have never experienced this even once in their lives.
       How do you think that’s possible? It’s not. Plain and simple. Just like everything else on the internet, you get to portray yourself as better than you are because of the benefit of anonymity.

    3. @@edaboodie6346if so many women talk about being good ones, maybe some of us have issues and keep falling for bad women. Same thing with women who keep falling into abusive relationships. There are good people and bad people out there. You keep running into bad people? Maybe it’s time to take a look inside…

16. Us men don’t get our flowers until our funeral

    1. if even then

    2. And that’s just because of tradition and sympathy. Not out of respect

    3. They are for your wife.

    4. ?@vinnynguyen6277 you don’t deserve any of that, get people in your life who actually appreciate you. ?

17. So true. I try to communicate my needs to my wife and I get mocking, deflection, scorn, anything but empathy. Just easier to stop trying…

    1. Time to shock the system bro….never tolerate disrespect, and that is precisely what that is.

    2. I’m sorry to hear that bro. Your wife should be the #1 person you can go with everything that is on your heart and mind.

    3. Pray for her. Take her to church. Look into what compassion and reverence/respect looks like and let a woman tell her how it looks after your initial look. Take her out and talk with her. I get it being hard, I’m not married but I live with my mother, and over time, as I spent time with the Lord, she’s softened up when I became more firm but also more respectful and not allowing simple things that are wrong go overlooked but rather addressed and forgiven and so, as we’re still working towards the best with our counsellor etc, God has been faithful. It’s our turn to be faithful to Him too. He preserves life so that we can seek it and have it. Time to honour that, and the family will follow, even if it takes some time, man. God bless you and keep you in all things, truly. Working towards being a husband now and my Lady is quite a fine one, we have the advantage of having watched our parents to know what we don’t want, and spending a lot of time watching God do what He does to learn what we DO want. And believe me… it has helped A LOT. By following God, we’re able to address all the issues we see now and set healthy parametres for them, and as we work towards marriage, we’re both pretty confident that as we pray, Love and learn to Love, we will keep groing according to the kind of Love that God shows in His Word. Galatians 5:23-25 should give you a little taste of what we practice with each other, that and Ephesians 5+6.

       God is so good, religion can’t hold us down but He’s so holy that Love holds us together, and His Spirit keeps us lifted up, Amen.

       God bless you man, seriously, you and your family both. Follow God and your family will follow too. Little by little, slowly but surely, or totally and transformatively. In any case, you follow God, and things will change. Psalm 23 and the last verses of it tell you all you need to know in the short term, brother. ??Respect, big bro. Take care and Hallelujah (praise be to God), Amen.

    4. Then you have to go mate, find yourself that really cares about your needs and problems. I seriously hope you’ll find the good one ??

    5. After a deep depression, realizing I gave up so much and my wife didn’t, my wife was dismissive. I told her about what I was feeling, I got “It’s not bad”.

       Now I don’t tell my wife how I’m feeling

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