Emma Leaning 
Ti Gong
For anyone living with #mentalhealthproblems, talking about it can be hard. For #men in particular, society doesn’t always make space to express inner struggle. Toxic masculinity is a term we’ve all come across, partly defined by researchers as suppressing emotions or masking distress and engaging in tough-guy #behavior. This construct can be put down to the result of decades, if not centuries, of society teaching #boys they can’t and shouldn’t be themselves. Sadly, men who’ve internalized these views of masculinity are less likely to be honest about how they’re doing or seek the support they need. And it’s killing them. Around 800,000 people die by suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds. Look at the statistics, and you’ll find a big difference between genders, #suicide being far more common among #men. These figures aren’t just numbers; they’re family members, partners, friends and neighbors.
Over the past few years, there’s been growing activism and interest around #male #mentalhealth, partly thanks to those who’ve spoken up about their own experience. Here’s what some of the #men in our community want you to know about #mentalhealth.
#JamesDonaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Caleb DeFore: We’re taught that #boys will be #boys
Roughly 27 percent of #men say they don’t have any close friends, and 47 percent of us don’t talk about our issues. Why? Why do men feel unable to communicate openly? It starts with how we discuss men’s #mentalhealth. We’re taught that #boys will be #boys from a young age, and later we’re told to “man up” or “be a man.” Language shapes culture, which in turn shapes the way we behave and think. Instead of raising #boys and #girls, we need to approach #children as little people, all capable of the human experience. When we quit the game of “us versus them,” we’ll play a better one: everyone against the problem.
#Men are more likely to die by #suicide than #women. Bringing awareness to #behavioral stereotypes and challenging the regulations we put on boys and men is the first major step toward helping them.
Caleb DeFore / SHINE
Denis Vaughan: You aren’t alone
As the community outreach manager for Lifeline, I’ve helped organize many events in #Shanghai and around #China. It’s hit home that #men rarely come to the table for something well-being related. They’ll go to fundraisers like a charity gig or fun-run, but when it comes to #mentalhealth specifically, attendance drops significantly.
Society still makes #men feel like they can’t explore their feelings, that it’s somehow “unmanly.” This toxic messaging needs to change because it stops #men from seeking the support they need. And it’s killing us. If there’s one thing I want to make clear to any #teenage boy or #man that’s struggling, it’s this: you aren’t alone, your life matters, and the world is better with you in it. There’s nothing manly about death by #suicide; it’s tragic and often preventable. And if we can’t get #men to come to us and hear that message, we must go to them. Something everyone can do to help save the #men in their lives.
Denis Vaughan / SHINE
Neil Wu: It’s normal to need help
#Men fall into a trap because they think of #mentalhealth as a binary state, leading them to unknowingly neglect the warning signs our bodies give out. Combine that with cultural stigmas, and we’re shackled by a social phenomenon that’s extremely hard for young #men to navigate, let alone seek help with. I’m a practicing #psychologist in #Shanghai, and in my experience the reluctance to reach out is even more deep-rooted in East #Asian communities. Many young #men attribute their conditions to the fruition of seeds planted by an authoritarian upbringing. Despite recognizing their mental state, they refrain from seeking help because they’re too concerned with backlash.
My message to all young #men? Seeking support isn’t shameful. On the contrary, it’s as normal as seeing a chiropractor if you have backache. Don’t be discouraged by the optics of therapists. Our titles might sound big or fancy, but all we do is offer a safe space for you to be heard. Lastly, use the people around you; there’s very little a wholehearted conversation with a trusted other can’t solve.
Neil Wu / SHINE
Robbie Davies: Vulnerability is a sign of confidence, not weakness
Men are taught both intentionally and inadvertently that confidence is shown through bravado, strength and swagger. This simply isn’t the case. True confidence takes a willingness to be vulnerable. That might sound moronic – like one of those empty sentiments plastered on #socialmedia – but it took me 31 years to understand, and coming to terms with vulnerability has transformed my #mentalhealth.
At the heart of all great human connection is vulnerability. Only when we’re vulnerable can we form the emotional connections needed for a fulfilled life. But vulnerability takes more than talking about our insecurities; it means a willingness to step into the unknown and try something challenging.
It takes confidence to say: “I’m struggling. I need help.” Suppressing our emotions leads to despair; acknowledging them to the right people leads to help. If we communicated this truth worldwide, the statistics on #male #suicide wouldn’t make for such sober reading.
Robbie Davies / SHINE
Source: SHINE Editor: Zhang Liuhao
James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
www.StandingAboveTheCrowd.com
JamesD@StandingAboveTheCrowd.com
1-800-745-3161 (voicemail & fax)
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at jamesd@yourgiftoflife.org and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
