When should you take talk about suicide seriously?
What signs of suicide should you watch for?
What are “protective factors” against teen suicide?
#James Donaldson notes: Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes. Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use. Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.#http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book, #CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
Some people think that when teens talk about killing themselves, they just want attention, and they should be ignored. It’s not true. Any talk about suicide is something to take seriously.
Sadness, avoiding friends and family, anxiety and doing dangerous things are also signs a child might need help. So is talking about dying, even if you think they don’t mean it.
It’s impossible to predict whether a young person might become suicidal. But there are things that put them at a higher risk.
Recent or serious losses increase risk for suicide. Losses include death of a family member, friend or even pet. Other kinds of losses are risk factors too. Parents divorcing, loss of their home or a breakup are all risk factors.
Other risk factors are mental health problems like depression, anxiety and substance abuse. Past suicide attempts, a family history of suicide, or having a way to get a gun are big risks as well. If a kid is struggling with their sexual identity in a family or community that is not supportive, that can be a risk. So can bullying at any age for any reason. And if a kid doesn’t feel like they can rely on friends and family, that’s a problem too.
But there are also things in a teen’s life that may help protect them from suicide. For one thing, kids who feel loved and supported are less likely to think about suicide. That also goes for kids who are good problem solvers. Having access to good healthcare and mental health care is an important plus. And having parents who are willing to get help when their kid needs it is huge.
One of the myths about suicidal talk, and actual suicide attempts, in young people is that they are just a bid for attention or “a cry for help.” Kids who talk or write about killing themselves are dismissed as overly dramatic—obviously, they don’t mean it! But a threat of suicide should never be dismissed, even from a kid who cries “Wolf!” so many times it’s tempting to stop taking them seriously. It’s important to respond to threats and other warning signs in a serious and thoughtful manner. They don’t automatically mean that a child is going to attempt suicide. But it’s a chance you can’t take.
When thinking about this, it helps to understand what factors make a young person more or less likely to consider or attempt suicide. What do we know about young people who try to kill themselves or who actually die by suicide? Let’s take a look at both the risk factors—things that increase the likelihood that a child will engage in suicidal behavior—and the protective factors, or things that reduce the risk.
If a child has a lot of risk factors and hardly any protective factors you need to be extremely concerned about them. On the other hand, if they have a fair number of risk factors but a lot of protective factors you may be somewhat less concerned, although you still, of course, need to be concerned.
Here are some key suicide risk factors:
A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.
A psychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.
Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.
Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.
A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.
Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.
Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.
Access to lethal means, like firearms and pills.
Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.
Barriers to accessing services: Difficulties in getting much-needed services include lack of bilingual service providers, unreliable transportation, and the financial cost of services.
Cultural and religious beliefs that suicide is a noble way to resolve a personal dilemma.
But what about protective factors, things that can mitigate the risk of engaging in suicidal behavior?
Strong connections. The stronger the connections kids have to their families, their friends, and to people in the community, the less likely they are to harm themselves. Partly, that’s because they feel loved and supported, and partly because they have people to turn to when they’re struggling and feel really challenged.
Restricted access to highly lethal means of suicide.
Cultural and religious beliefs discourage suicide and that support self-preservation.
Relatively easy access to appropriate clinical intervention, whether that be psychotherapy, individual, group, family therapy, or medication if indicated.
Effective care for mental, physical, and substance use disorders. Good medical and mental health care involves ongoing relationships, making kids feel connected to professionals who take care of them and are available to them.
So what do you do if your child fits the profile of someone at risk for youth suicide? Warning signs of suicide to be alert to include changes in personality or behavior that might not be obviously related to suicide. When a teenager becomes sad, more withdrawn, more irritable, anxious, tired, or apathetic—things that used to be fun aren’t fun anymore—you should be concerned. Changes in sleep patterns or eating habits can also be red flags.
Acting erratically or recklessly is also a warning sign. If a teen starts making really poor judgments or they start doing things that are harmful to themself or other people, like bullying or fighting, it can be a sign that they are spinning out of control.
And, finally, if a child is talking about dying, you should always pay attention. “I wish I was dead.” “I just want to disappear.” “Maybe I should jump off that building.” “Maybe I should shoot myself.” “You’d all be better off if I wasn’t around.” When you hear this kind of talk, it’s important to take it seriously—even if you can’t imagine your child meaning it seriously.
James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at jamesd@yourgiftoflife.org and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
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