Talking to teenagers about drugs and alcohol is important. Teens need structure to stay safe. Having clear rules about drugs and alcohol can help. You can’t guarantee that your rules won’t be broken. But research shows that kids who have clear rules, even if they’re broken, are less likely to get into serious trouble than kids who don’t.
But it can be hard to know what to say. Don’t surprise kids with a big talk. Instead, let your child know you want have a conversation about drinking and drugs. Be clear about rules and specific about what will happen if kids break them. Kids do best when they know what to expect. And, if your child is pressured to do something they aren’t comfortable with, clear rules make it easier for them to say no. “I can’t, my parents would ground me for a week!” Speak to your child the way you’d like to be spoken to. Showing respect sends the message that you trust them to act responsibly, not just for your sake, but for their own, too.
Help your child understand why drinking or drug use is dangerous and how making poor choices can impact their life. Be honest and reasonable. Give kids a chance to express their concerns and feelings. They may have been hoping for a chance to ask questions or check in about something troubling.
Let them know that your goal is to help them stay safe. Make sure your #child knows that they can call you for help in any situation, no matter what.
#Adolescence is a tricky time. Teenagers are just beginning to establish their identities and this often means testing the limits of parental controls. When it comes to drugs and #alcohol, pushing the boundaries can lead to dangerous territory.
Setting clear rules about #substanceuse helps give teens the structure they need to stay safe. Let’s be realistic: You can’t guarantee that your rules won’t be broken. But research shows that kids who have clear rules are less likely to get into serious trouble than kids who don’t. Even when the rules are broken, teens whose parents have clearly outlined what is and isn’t acceptable are less likely to run to extremes and more likely to make safer choices.
So you need to have the talk, but for a lot of #parents initiating a potentially difficult conversation is daunting. A few guidelines can help get the ball rolling and make for a smoother, more productive experience for all.
Plan to have the talk
Springing a serious conversation on your teenager can make her feel ambushed and defensive. Give her a heads up before hand and make sure to be clear about what the conversation will entail, so everyone can be on the same page. “Tomorrow night let’s have a talk about drinking and #drugs. You’re not in trouble. I just want to talk about where we stand and hear any concerns you might be having.”
Spell out the rules
Clearly spell out your rules and the specific consequences of breaking them. Avoiding ambiguity lets your teenager know where you stand, and research shows that kids tend to be safer when parents set limits. And for kids who are being pressured to do something they aren’t comfortable with, it can make it easier for them if they know they can use their parents as an excuse for saying no.
Explain your reasons
Be very clear about your reasons for prohibiting substance use. Teenagers are often ordered to do things without being given a clear reason why and by explaining yourself you’re inviting them to have a more open, #adult conversation.
The potential consequences of drinking and using drugs are real. Any kind of experimentation is illegal when you’re a teenager, and it’s dangerous.
Be honest and rational. Obviously, some illegal substances are more dangerous than others. Heroin is more perilous than pot. But any substance can be harmful: one beer is intoxicating but 10 beers could be deadly.
And any substance use impairs judgment and kids are more likely to find themselves in problematic and potentially dangerous situations like driving drunk or having unwanted or risky sexual encounters. It can affect them in #school, too. If they get caught it could go on their record—something they won’t want when they’re applying to colleges—and if they play sports they could be cut from the team.
#James Donaldson notes: Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes. Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use. Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.#http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle Find out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundation website www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book, #CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
Speak to your #kids the way you’d like to be spoken to. #Teenagers are acutely sensitive to condescension, and it’s important to remember that at the end of the day they are the ones who will make the final decisions. Treat them like the #adults you want them to become. By showing respect you’re modeling good #behavior and letting them know you expect them to act responsibly, not just for your sake, but for their own as well.
Let them speak
Give kids a chance to express their concerns and feelings. They may have been hoping for a chance to ask questions or check in about something troubling. Opening an equal, active dialogue will increase the chances that your teen will feel comfortable being honest with you in the future.
The ‘I learned it from you, Dad,’ dilemma
#Parents sometimes feel hypocritical hiding their own experiences. If your daughter asks if you’ve ever tried #drugs, you can choose to keep your experiences private (not everything in your history needs to be available to your #kids) or to share them, but don’t reminisce or otherwise glamorize your experiences. You can also explain that as a #parent, it’s your job to help them avoid things they will regret, and substance use definitely increases the chances of doing something you will regret.
Conditional amnesty
What we want, first and foremost, is for kids to be safe. Being open and honest with your #kids about #drugs encourages them to reciprocate. One way to create safeguards for your teen is to have an “amnesty policy.”
In an amnesty situation, your child can call and ask for help without incurring the regular repercussions they might have if they tried to hide their #behavior. Amnesty policies keep kids safe and encourage them to make appropriate choices without letting them off the hook.
For example: If your #child (or their designated driver) is drunk at a party and they want to leave, they can call you and ask for a ride or cab fare instead of putting themselves at risk. They’d then be allowed to come home and go to bed without yelling or grounding. In the morning, you and them could have a talk about their drinking and safety.
An ongoing conversation
Talking to your #teen about #substanceabuse should be a process, not a single event. Risk factors for #substanceuse can change and multiply as #teenagers weather the trials and pressures of #adolescence. Keep an eye out for changes in your child’s mood and demeanor, shifting peer groups, and other signs that it might be time to check in about their safety and your expectations.
Make sure they know your conversation is an open-ended one and that it’s a two-way street — “I’m going to be checking in with you about this sometimes, and if you have any questions or concerns, you can always ask me, too.” Keeping the lines of communication open will help you and your #teenager feel engaged and safe during a potentially turbulent time.
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James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at [email protected] and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
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