Perspective by Petula Dvorak
When she was growing up, Memorial Day meant a trip to the Honor Wall in the center of Deana Martorella Orellana’s hometown, where the names of Charleroi, Pa., men who died in the world’s battlefields are etched in black granite.
Her family is making that trip without her this year.
She died with inspirational notes stuffed in her pockets. That March morning in 2016, she had gone to #VeteransAffairs and asked for counseling.
She couldn’t talk to her family about how her deployment to #Afghanistan changed her — and yes, it changed her, they all said — serving on a #female engagement team there.
“She talked to one of her sisters about it and said she could take everything except for the #children,” said Laurie Martorella, Deana’s mom. “Something about the #children really hit her.”
And keeping that inside haunted her.
“Nobody talks about #mentalhealth,” Laurie said. “If you do, you’re weak, you’re on medication, it might affect my future earnings, there might be a #stigma.”
Deana shot herself at age 28 with a .45-caliber handgun, joining the growing number of #military #women who end their own lives.
Memorial Day is about these warriors, too.
#Suicide has been the main killer of U.S. personnel since the Sept. 11 attacks. More than 30,000 of them have died by their own hands since, during a period that saw about 7,000 service members die in combat or training exercises, according to a project from Brown University.
#Suicide in the military community is at its highest rate since 1938, according to a #DepartmentofDefense report released last month.
Increasingly, those killed are #women.
In 2020, they accounted for 7 percent of military #suicides — up from 4 percent a decade earlier, according to Department of Defense numbers. About 1 in 6 servicemembers is #female.
The reports break down the deaths by gender, age and branch, but they hardly address the dramatic increase among #women.
Deana’s story was featured in 22 Too Many, a project honoring the estimated 22 military suicides that happen every day.
The Brandon Act is a quick way for military members to find the help they need
Last month, three sailors on the Naval carrier USS George Washington stationed in Norfolk killed themselves in less than a week. One of them was electrician Natasha Huffman.
The very nature of the war business does little to discourage this #mentalhealth calamity.
“#Women who are in these #male-dominated settings in the #military are trained to be strong, to push through,” said Melissa Dichter, associate professor in the #School of Social Work at Temple University who published a report this year about women’s #suicide in the #military.
So when #women are in #mentalhealthcrisis, especially #PTSD, they go back to the building blocks of basic training, and how they talked themselves out of letting anyone believe they didn’t belong there. The answer to everything, they learned, was to work harder. So they pushed through.
When #female #veterans try to find support in the civilian world, their stories of war and bodies and bombs aren’t the stuff of bonding, Dichter found. Support groups, from official meetings at VA to the unofficial ones at the VFW, are testosterone fests.
Dichter analyzed more than a million anonymized calls to the #VeteranCrisisLine for her report.
About 53 percent of the #women who called the line were at risk of #suicide, compared to 41 percent of #men, her study found.
Many had stories of #PTSD and combat #trauma. But Dichter found one key difference: While #men were more likely to be struggling with #substanceabuse and addiction, most #women called about an intimate partner or sexual violence.
That was what ultimately pushed Taniki Richard to try to kill herself: the #trauma of combat and a sexual assault that she never reported.
“When I came back from Iraq, I started having nightmares of being raped, and then it being on the aircraft,” the Chesapeake, Va., retired Marine and mom said in a video on Yahoo.
“One day, it just became too much. I was under so much extreme #stress and pain that I just wanted it to end,” she said, so she crashed a car into a light pole outside a Marine Corps Air Station in North Carolina, “attempting to end my life.”
#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife:
From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
Richard survived. And she went into counseling, understanding that her nightmares weren’t only about the night in Iraq when her helicopter was under fire. She realized that among her fellow warriors — the family that the #military became for her — was her rapist. She now works with the Wounded Warrior Project and tells her story in speeches and podcasts to help other #women who survived assault.
#Women in the #military are dealing with #PTSD, #isolation and an experience so common that it has its own military acronym — MST, Military Sexual Trauma.
It’s a uniquely sinister form of abuse. It’s not like an assault by a stranger or a wicked date. Fellow warriors are supposed to be the ones who have your back in battle. The unit is about supporting each other. Imagine the danger and insecurity any soldier would feel when they are attacked by their own comrades. It’s a common theme among the #women calling for help.
“In intimate partner sexual violence #women often feel stuck, it’s hard to find a way out, to see a way out,” said Dichter, whose research has included interviewing #sexualassault survivors in the #military who struggle with the duality of attackers being colleagues.
Her work is showing the military how far-reaching and scarring their epidemic of sexual assault really is.
And how important it is for #women leaving the #military to find support in the civilian world, whether it’s for MTA, #PSTD or both.
That was the platform that Deshauna Barber stood on when she swapped her combat boots for stilettos and became #MissUSA 2016.
“I want to make sure they have what they need when they return from deployment,” she said after her win. “I have lost a soldier to #PTSD, to #suicide, so I have been directly affected by it.”
After taking off the crown, Barber continued that work as CEO of the Service Women’s Action Network, a powerful group based in D.C. that lobbies on behalf of military #women and connects them to support groups.
Deana’s family wants to keep telling her story, so #women like their athletic, energetic, compassionate daughter know they are not alone.
They tell her story, say her name, they created a scholarship in her honor.
And this week, they’ll go to that black, granite wall in her Pennsylvania hometown. Deana’s grandfather’s name is there, she once stood in front of it, in her Marine dress uniform.
Now, hers is too.
If you or someone you know needs help, call the #NationalSuicidePreventionLifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255). You can also text a crisis #counselor by messaging the Crisis Text Line at 741741.
James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
www.StandingAboveTheCrowd.com
[email protected]
1-800-745-3161 (voicemail & fax)
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at [email protected] and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
