You’re not alone in your #loneliness. Feeling #lonely from time to time is natural and not uncommon.
The fact that it is common doesn’t mean feeling #lonely might not feel overwhelming to you. This is why, if you’re experiencing this right now, you may be questioning why that is and how to stop feeling #lonely.
You’re really not alone! In fact, according to a recent report by the Harvard Graduate School of Education, 36% of surveyed people reported feeling #lonely “frequently” or “almost all the time or all the time.”
Also, 61% of those between 18 and 25 years old noted miserable degrees of #loneliness.
Whether you’re feeling empty or lonely, this is an emotion you can overcome. Understanding why you feel this way is a good place to start.
Why do I feel #lonely?
Feeling #lonely, even when you’re surrounded by people, doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
In fact, Dr. Leela R. Magavi, #psychiatrist and regional medical director for Community Psychiatry in New Port Beach, California, says everyone feels this way sometimes.
“I would contend that all human beings struggle with #loneliness intermittently, whether they are aware of it or not,” she said. “Trauma, loss, and #stress can exacerbate feelings of #loneliness.”
This is why you could still experience #loneliness in a relationship or having a large group of friends.
“Individuals may feel #lonely when surrounded by others when they feel like they cannot be themselves or have to fabricate the truth to please others [or] when the individuals around them have different ethical beliefs,” Magavi explained.
Other reasons you might feel #lonely despite being surrounded by others include:
- #depression or other #mentalhealthconditions
- #healthconditions, including disabilities, chronic conditions, and terminal illness
- loss and #grief
- trauma
- discrimination or #racism
- migration to a new country
- existential crisis
- lack of meaningful relationships
- communication or attachment problems in a relationship
The #pandemic and need to physically distance have also increased debilitating feelings of #loneliness, says Magavi.
“Extroverts may struggle more than introverts,” she added. “Individuals with low #self-esteem, #depression, or #anxiety may have an external locus of control and may rely on extraneous factors to feel whole.”
#James Donaldson notes:
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Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
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#CelebratingYourGiftofLife:
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You can overcome feelings of #loneliness
Your #loneliness doesn’t have to last forever. Though it might be a process, there are ways to stop feeling lonely.
Here are some ideas for how to overcome this feeling.
Reassesing thinking and regain hope
You can practice seeing things from a different perspective or associate them with positive emotions.
For example, you can treat alone time as an opportunity to grow, reflect, and connect with yourself.
“Healthy solitude allows us to process and conceptualize our life experiences, whereas chronic #loneliness encompasses perseveration upon the voids we experience in life,” Magavi explained.
While chronic #loneliness can lead to endless rumination, healthy solitude fosters clarity in thinking and can improve cognition.
“Much like feelings of #anxiety and #depression, feelings of #loneliness can wax and wane. Imagining betterment and engaging in mindfulness activities can dissipate feelings of #loneliness,” she added.
You could, for example, begin practicing yoga, meditation, or tai chi during your time alone. Looking forward to these relaxing activities might make you think about alone time in a positive light.
Practice self-compassion
To combat feelings of #loneliness and learn to be happy alone, Magavi suggests partaking in activities focused on self-compassion.
A few examples include:
- meditation
- mindful walks
- physical activity
Taking care of yourself with patience and compassion might help you strengthen the bond with yourself, which in turn can help you ease the feelings of #loneliness.
In time, you can learn to accept and embrace your moments of alone time, and use them to engage in self-reflecting and improvement activities.
Journal your thoughts and feelings
Recounting fun-filled memories in a journal can help bring joy to your life.
“Individuals could write a gratitude letter, which outlines all the things they love about themselves,” suggested Magavi. “They could list the things they love about [others], and share these things with family members and friends.”
Putting your thoughts and feelings on paper might also help you process them and look at them from a different perspective. Journaling can be a cathartic process.
Reaching out to old friends
Connecting with friends with whom you lost touch can help alleviate feelings of #loneliness.
“Hellen Keller’s words of wisdom, ‘I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light,’ emphasizes the significance of friendship in dissipating the sense of #loneliness, which life often brings to our doorsteps,” said Magavi.
Friendships motivate people to remain accountable and present for someone else, in addition to fostering creativity, she added.
Magavi’s #patients of all ages have told her that the quality of their friendships have directly encouraged them to persevere in regards to their personal and professional goals.
“Friendships… are much like mirrors, which help individuals recognize and embrace their strengths, and concurrently, pinpoint and work on their weaknesses,” she said.
Reconnecting with people who have been present when you felt productive, happy, or at peace might also help you remember and reconnect with those aspects within yourself.
Invite a friend on a walk
There are few things like walking and talking.
Consider inviting a friend or neighbor to walk with you every few days.
Exercising will increase your endorphins and make you feel better. And doing it in good company can help you foster a sense of well-being that could help you overcome feeling #lonely.
You can also make the walk extra special by following some of these ideas:
- Switch routes and scenery every day you go out to walk.
- Pick different times of the day so you can enjoy sunrises, sunsets, and mid-afternoons, if possible.
- Consider a drive to a park, forest preserve, or mall to walk in a new environment.
- Be mindful of what’s going on around you, focusing on things like the sky, people, sounds, and physical sensations.
- Consider setting a different goal for each day. These can include the duration of the walk, pace and rhythm, and conversation topics. For example, you could have a day where you only exchange jokes, and another walk could be a “vent day.”
Talk to people
If making new friends isn’t easy for you, start by trying to be open to others.
According to the renowned study, The BBC Loneliness Experiment, led by the BBC and The University of Manchester, respondents indicated the following effective strategies to combat #loneliness:
- Start a conversation with anyone.
- Look for the good in every person you meet.
- Invite people without fearing rejection.
- Tell someone else you feel lonely.
Consider joining a club, organization, or online community
Respondents to the BBC study also noted that they joined a social club or took up new social activities and past times to help with feelings of #loneliness.
Things to consider include:
- joining a walking or running club or another exercise-related group
- taking up a hobby, such as knitting, painting, or playing cards, and connecting with others who share the same interest
- finding online communities for gaming, movie buffs, book lovers, and other things you’re interested in
- attending church
- volunteering at a local charity
Engaging in activities with like-minded people who might have similar interests could help you stop feeling #lonely.
Get a pet
Whether you’re a cat, dog, or reptile person, according to a survey by the Human-Animal Bond Research Institute, 80% of pet owners think their pets make them feel less #lonely.
Pets give you something to consider other than yourself, offer companionship, and dogs, for instance, can get you out and about.
Before you get a pet, though, consider what is needed to take care of them. This includes food, bedding, veterinary visits, and time and effort.
If getting a pet is not possible, consider volunteering at your local animal shelter.
Stay connected to those who have passed on
If #grief and the loss of a loved one add to your feelings of #loneliness, reconnecting with their memory might help.
Magavi suggests:
- recounting memorable moments
- looking through photographs and letters
- partaking in the deceased’s favorite activity
- journaling about them
“Individuals who have children themselves can bring joy to specific anniversaries or occasions by creating beautiful memories with their own nuclear family,” she said.
Creating a tribute to those who have passed might also keep you connected to their memory.
You could, for example, do a photo collage with your favorite images or plant a tree in their name so you can visit and eventually rest under it.
Seek out professional help
If you feel you’ve done several things to stop feeling lonely, but you still do, it might be a good idea to seek additional support.
Magavi says that some signs it’s time to talk with someone else include:
- bouts of tearfulness
- episodes of irritability that interfere with work or family
- undereating or overeating in response to #loneliness
- staying in bed all day, excessive sleepiness, or chronic fatigue
- loss of interest and motivation to take care of yourself, such as avoiding brushing your teeth and showering
“Loneliness can transform into demoralization and #depression,” she said. “Individuals with significant mood and #anxiety concerns and feelings of #loneliness, which affect their functionality, should consider scheduling an appointment with a #psychiatrist or #therapist.”
#Cognitivebehavioraltherapy can help identify your #anxiety pattern and reframe your thinking so you can engage in coping #behaviors.
“In some cases, medications are warranted to treat mood and #anxiety concerns,” Magavi said.
This is not always the case, though. Sometimes, just having someone to talk with without apprehension might help you feel better. You can set your own goals for therapy, and it can only be about talking.
If you or someone you know is considering #self-harm,
you’re not alone.
Help is available right now:
- Call a crisis hotline, such as the #NationalSuicidePreventionLifeline at 800-273-8255.
- Text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.
- If you’re outside of the US, Befrienders Worldwide
lists helplines in different countries.
What’s next?
Feeling #lonely is common and even necessary from time to time. As you become aware of what this emotion is communicating to you, you’ll be able to identify what you can learn from it.
If you have tried different strategies for a while to feel better but haven’t been successful, consider reaching out to a #mentalhealthprofessional.
These resources might help you take the first step:
- #AmericanPsychiatricAssociation’s Find a #Psychiatrist tool
- #AmericanPsychologicalAssociation’s Find a #Psychologist tool
- #NationalAllianceonMentalIllness Helplines and Support Tools
- #NationalInstituteofMentalHealth’s Helpline DirectoryTrusted Source
- Project Air
If you can’t afford a #therapist or prefer to connect to a support group, consider the following:
James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
www.StandingAboveTheCrowd.com
JamesD@StandingAboveTheCrowd.com
1-800-745-3161 (voicemail & fax)
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at jamesd@yourgiftoflife.org and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
