The national conversation we need to have is of the grimmest reality — #suicide is the leading cause of death in Australia’s #teenagers and #bullying plays a large part, writes Gerry Georgatos.
*CONTENT WARNING: This article discusses #suicide
#STIGMA AND #bullying are pernicious, pervasive and destructive. #Stigma is at the origin of #bullying. In understanding this premise, we can begin to go forward in the right direction.
The bullied are not the problem. If being me offends you, then I am not the problem.
The oppressor is at the heart of the problem, the root and the original sin. I’ve often argued that we should stop examining the oppressed and instead examine the oppressor. The oppressed are blameless. For oppressors, the imperative is self-reflection. Everyone is entitled to redemption.
It is more important to treat the bully – not only the bullied – if we are to eliminate #bullying. Punishing a bully is often akin to #bullying the bully. Does it work?
Often, #bullying begins in the home
The family of origin will best serve us all if it is a firmament of fairness, in terms of inclusiveness and equality. If #children do not learn about discrimination, then when older, they are more likely to foment and exercise discriminatory misbehaviours.
#Stigma-based #bullying relies on distinct misbehaviours, such as diminution, favouritism and exclusion. These are precursors to cognitive narrowing, leading to negative #behaviors being played out. Punishment reduces the range of cognitive activity in a child’s mind — #stigma is demonising.
Family members can turn on one another where love is not equal. The diminished are less resilient to #sexualharassment, homophobic epithets and #racial slurs. As time passes, the impact of such demonisation becomes cumulative and increasingly hurtful. Seemingly endless hills which need to be climbed appear steeper.
#Stigma and #bullying are not limited to their fervent rapaciousness in wider society, or in #schools and workplaces, or are the works of ideologues alone, including politicians and instruments of the state. #Stigma and #bullying can be first formed within the firmament of family — the family of origin or close-knit extended families.
#Parents can favour some of their #children. Prejudice is when people form an opinion before becoming aware of and understanding relevant information. Prejudice can also stir up emotional responses such as fear or anger towards people who are being stigmatised.
Rising child suicides should alarm all of us
I remember a 13-year-old, consigned as the family’s “black sheep”, who took her life because she no longer wanted to live. She believed she was less loved and often loathed. She made many attempts to end living.
I remember a 14-year-old, also contaminated with the belief she was the family’s “black sheep”. Her siblings turned against her, playing out a parent’s pronounced misjudgements of her #child. She ended her life, without any previous warning.
Who among us does not believe love is boundless? It is the greatest fulfilment, you or I or any #child can have.
In this illusory world, contemporarily a hard and fast fact is that #mental unwellness is on the increase. We know far too many people battling #mentalillness. The rate of #suicide in Australia is increasing and is targeting young lives. Far too many #teenage Australians know of #teenagers who have died by #suicide. It is not just a #youth #mentalhealthcrisis but also an #adult #mentalhealthcrisis.
Untold suffering can lead to #mental unwellness
The majority of the strongest people I know are people battling – and many who have beaten – chronic and acute #mentalillness. Most of these people have endured various forms of #bullying, mobbing, invalidations, censorship by omission and voicelessness. But they also comprise the majority of Australia’s #suicide toll.
Many were at their wit’s end, having been blamed lifelong. Their souls, once battlefields, pitted against the misjudgements of others, beginning with family, transformed into minefields of prejudices and cruelties in the wider world.
The grim reality is that there are relatively few turn-to supports. Usually, there are family and friends. While there is living, it is never too late to validate those you have demonised or excluded. It is never too late for particularly family-of-origin members to adjust their conduct — the stillness you can bring to the souls of those you have tumultuously affected is a boundless gift.
Too often, #stigma-based #bullying ends in #suicide
The national conversation we need to have is of the grimmest reality — of #suicide as the leading cause of death of Australia’s #teenagers.
Australian #children and #youth are increasingly diagnosed with #anxiety and #depression. The majority go on to adulthood battling them. I remember far too many young ones and #adults describing the memories of wounds, aged so young, where they should have been carefree.
Those battling mental unwellness and living with socioeconomic struggles are less likely to access support — mostly because they cannot afford it. The lowest quintile of income base comprises the most significant proportion of Australia’s suicides.
Suicide hits the poor and disadvantaged
There have been more suicides so far in 2019 than this time last year.
The wellspring of the soul must be filled by the undivided love of family so that the murmurs of the wider world – cruelties and wickedness – can be offset. Setting a loving example can be our greatest legacy. We continue to exist in our #children, their #children and also with friends.
The bully cannot bully someone who cannot be bullied. One should not punish where love can do better. One should not criticise where love can do better.
The breadth of literature on the connection between #stigma and #mentalillness is now indisputable.
#Stigma breeds a dark, damp mural of cognitive and psychiatric disorders. It breeds a hypersensitivity to the opinions of others of oneself. Hence, follows toxic and divisive feelings of shame, embarrassment and low #self-esteem. These lead to secrecy, social withdrawal and, for many, #alcohol or #drugmisuse.
To be misunderstood lifelong is to be blamed lifelong.
#James Donaldson notes:
Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.
Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.
Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticle
Order your copy of James Donaldson’s latest book,
#CelebratingYourGiftofLife:
From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy
www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com
The grim reality of #suicide in Australia
In Australia, #suicide is a leading cause of death. In 2019, #suicide accounted for two in five deaths among people aged 15-17 years (40 per cent) and more than one in three among those aged 18-24 years (36 per cent). Understanding #suicideprevention should be among the nation’s most pressing issues.
Identifying #trauma starts with #behavioral observations and proceeds with the opportunity for individuals to tell their story — even if that story is fractured from disordered thinking. People need people.
Our capacity to listen is an imperative determinant of wellbeing. It must be achieved without judgment, for often redemption is needed: forgiveness in addition to sympathy and empathy.
In the last decade, I have written more than 500 articles on Australia’s #suicide crisis and #suicideprevention. Until my recent retirement, I supported hundreds of #suicide-affected families and thousands of critically vulnerable individuals.
I remember the screams and outpourings of #suicide-affected families. I remember #children lost to #suicide as young as nine. We need to lead with listening, civility, courtesy and kindness.
We should hear and read the stories of those lost, so others aren’t. Let us be fearless in telling these stories, for in the telling of such stories, better ways forward will be reinforced.
What makes for unhappiness and happiness needs to be understood. Human beings are inherently courageous. Society can be muddled-minded and get in the way of its collective best self and community reckoning.
Understanding one another, contextualising, understanding unfairness, helping others and being there are profound steps.
#Child #suicide rates are the highest they have ever been and we know #bullying is a factor in at least a quarter of them. #Child #sexualabuse is an abomination prominent in many of these suicides.
I remember a father who found his son hours after his #suicide. The father lay his son down and cradled his body through the night until responders arrived in the morning.
I remember the distraught family of a young man who only a week before his #suicide had run into a burning house and rescued a young mother and her baby.
Let us understand one another, equally.
If you would like to speak to someone about #suicide you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Gerry Georgatos is a #suicideprevention and poverty researcher with an experiential focus. He is the national coordinator of the #NationalSuicidePrevention & Trauma Recovery Project (NSPTRP). You can follow Gerry on Twitter @GerryGeorgatos.
James Donaldson is a Washington State University graduate (’79). After an outstanding basketball career with WSU, he went on to play professional basketball in the NBA with the Seattle Supersonics, San Diego/L.A. Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He also played for several teams in the European Leagues in Spain, Italy, and Greece, and he toured with The Harlem Globetrotters to wrap up his career. James was an NBA All-Star in 1988 while playing center for the Dallas Mavericks. In 2006, James was inducted into the Pac-10 Sports Hall of Fame and also the Washington State University Athletic Hall of Fame. In 2010, James was elected as a board member for the NBA Retired Players Association.
James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, and youth groups.
In 2010, James was the recipient of the NBA Legends of Basketball ABC Award, awarded for outstanding contributions in Athletics–Business–Community.
He believes in being a role model for success and professionalism to the scores of young people to whom he devotes so much of his time. He currently serves on several boards and committees and is a member of many organizations.
James believes in developing relationships that create a “Win-Win” environment for everyone involved, and in being the best he can be!
For more information about James Donaldson or to request he speak at your event, contact him at:
www.StandingAboveTheCrowd.com
JamesD@StandingAboveTheCrowd.com
1-800-745-3161 (voicemail & fax)
James Donaldson is the author of “Standing Above The Crowd” and “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” and founder of the Your Gift of Life Foundation which focuses on mental health awareness and suicide prevention, especially pertaining to our school aged children and men.
If you’re interested in having James come and speak to your group of young adults, business entrepreneurs, aspiring political and community leaders, and athletic teams, please contact him at jamesd@yourgiftoflife.org and or leave a personal message for him at 1-800-745-3161. Keep up with him and read about how he is reaching out and making a difference in the lives of so many around the world at www.yourgiftoflife.org
