James Donaldson on Mental Health - Parenting Tweens: What You Should Know

Cognitive changes The biggest shift according to Dr.

Kirmayer is a complete change in the way your preteen thinks.

It’s at this age that kids go from the more literal and self-absorbed perspective they’ve been using to view the world for the first 8 years of their lives to what Dr.

Kirmayer calls a “meta-cognitive state.” That means “they’re starting to develop the ability to be aware of their own thoughts as well as others’ thoughts,” she explains.

Which means all of a sudden they may go from being blissfully uninhibited to caring what other kids think of them, wanting to fit in, feeling left out, and comparing themselves to their peers .

“They’re starting to realize that there are other opinions and values and viewpoints than their own,” Dr.

Kirmayer says, “and that’s a whole new world that they’re being exposed to and having to learn how to regulate and tolerate.” Social changes Because the hallmark of this age is an awareness of others — especially of peers — the social landscape of your child’s life changes profoundly during this period in ways that are both good and bad.

Major social factors that come up during pre-adolescence include: Independence: Because of the change in the way they see themselves and each other, pre-adolescents become progressively more attuned to their peers and less identified with their families and parents.

Luke Hruska will be 10 in August and this summer, when the family went on their annual vacation to Watch Hill, Rhode Island, his mother, Flossie Crisp, says they saw a dramatic change.

“He used to be the kind of kid who at a birthday party would linger on the sidelines,” she explains.