James Donaldson on Mental Health: What to Do When You're Worried a Child Might Be Suicidal

No parent wants to think about this. No grandparent, no teacher, no coach. The idea that a child we love might be having suicidal thoughts is almost too painful to hold.

But here's what I know from years of mental health advocacy, and what the research confirms: the worst thing we can do is stay silent. If you're worried, you need to talk to them. And I want to give you the tools to do that.

This guidance draws on the work of Dr. Nadine Kaslow, a psychologist and former President of the American Psychological Association, who has spent her career helping families navigate exactly this situation.

First: Talking About It Does Not Make It More Likely

This is the fear that stops most parents from asking the question. "What if I bring it up and give them the idea?" "What if I make it worse?"

The truth is the opposite. If a child feels that they have someone safe in the family they can talk to, they feel better. They feel more understood. They feel less alone. And that connection — that sense of being seen and loved — is one of the most powerful protective factors against suicide.

Asking the question opens the door. It doesn't create the danger.

How to Start the Conversation

Dr. Kaslow's first piece of advice: be calm and non-accusatory. When parents are frightened, they sometimes say things like "Don't think this way" or "You shouldn't feel that way" — and even though those words come from love, children hear them as criticism. They shut down.

Instead, lead with empathy. Try:

And make sure your child knows — explicitly, repeatedly, in small ways and big ones — how much you love them and how important they are to you. When kids are struggling, they need to hear it more than ever.

Practical Steps to Keep Them Safe

Stay connected. Monitor their social media, stay in touch with their school, and know their friends — and their friends' parents. Kids who feel monitored and cared for are safer than kids who feel invisible.

Prioritize positive time together. When we're worried, it's easy to fall into a cycle of conflict and criticism. Make time to just hang out, do fun things, talk about things that aren't heavy. Those moments of connection matter enormously.

Get professional support. Look for a therapist who has specific experience with suicidal teenagers — not everyone is trained for this. Ask your child's pediatrician for referrals. And make sure your child feels comfortable with whoever you choose; if they don't connect with the first therapist, keep looking.

Both cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) have strong research support for suicidal kids. Medication may also be appropriate, particularly for kids dealing with depression, anxiety, or ADHD.

When It's an Emergency

If you believe your child is in immediate danger of attempting suicide, call 911 or take them to the hospital right away. Suicidal thoughts or behaviors are a medical emergency and must be treated as such.

You can also call or text 988 together — the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 and can help you navigate next steps. Offering to make the call with your child, rather than asking them to do it alone, can make all the difference.

You are not alone in this. And neither is your child. Reaching out for help — for them, and for yourself — is one of the most loving things you can do.