James Donaldson on Mental Health - Helping Girls Deal With Unwanted Sexual Attention

Take it seriously The first step to getting girls geared up to deal with unwanted attention is taking it seriously.

“What parents have to acknowledge is that from the moment their daughters hit puberty they’re likely to get attention,” says David Anderson , PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, “and that some of that attention, whether it’s a lewd comment from a stranger, or a boy who won’t take no for an answer, is going to be unwelcome, uncomfortable or even scary.” While most parents, he says, are aware that unwanted attention happens, what some parents — especially dads who probably haven’t experienced it themselves — may not realize is how common, and how upsetting, it can be.

“We have a tendency to downplay these experiences,” says Stephanie Dowd, PsyD, a clinical psychologist.

“But when we say, ‘Oh that’s no big deal, it happens to everyone,’ or suggest that it’s just part of life as a female, we’re implying that girls who feel victimized or upset are overreacting.” Instead, she says parents should send girls a clear message: “their feelings and boundaries are valid, and deserve to be respected.” But don’t catastrophize On the flip side, Dr.

Anderson says, it’s also important to fight the urge to overreact.

“As parents it’s natural to want to protect your child, but realistically you won’t be able to be by her side every day for the rest of her life,” he says.

Tempting as it may be to hire a full-time bodyguard, parents should focus on empowering girls to become their own advocates.

“Part of staying safe and feeling comfortable is having the ability to recognize when something is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe,” says Dr.

Dowd, “And having the confidence to say, ‘What you’re doing is making me feel bad, and I don’t deserve that.’ ” Ditch the blame “One of the biggest mistakes we make when discussing unwanted attention is suggesting that women have somehow brought the problem on themselves,”’ says Dr.

“Girls who are sexually harassed are not causing the harassment, sexual harassers are.