James Donaldson on Mental Health - The Power of Positive Attention

Positive attention in action How does the framework of positive attention work in a challenging situation?

Let’s take a scenario any parent will experience at some point: your child throwing a tantrum in the check out line at the grocery store because they want a candy bar.

Giving in and letting them have the candy bar would likely stop the tantrum quickly, but it would also guarantee that the behavior would repeat itself.

Negotiating (you can have a brownie when we get home) would likely have the same effect.

Many parents feel judging eyes on them in a public space and feel that they need to make a show out of being firm with their child by telling them to stop, raising their voice, or issuing ultimatums.

Chances are this kind of response won’t make you or your child feel very good, and also won’t prevent the behavior from reoccurring, since you are inadvertently reinforcing the behavior by feeding it attention.

If you are practicing positive attention, however, you would ignore the tantrum until it’s over (which is of course easier said than done).

As soon as the child is calming down, that’s the time to give positive attention and praise.

“I’m really proud of you for calming down, for taking a few deep breaths, and for understanding that this is not something we could do right now.” When you’re back home and things are less emotional, then you can address the tantrum.

Gerber says to use a lot of validation when talking with your child in this scenario.