James Donaldson on Mental Health - How to Model Healthy Coping Skills

Talk kids through how you cope When modeling for your child, talking to them about how and why you use coping strategies can help clarify your intentions.

This is especially true for younger children, who might have a harder time grasping the significance of certain actions without a verbal explanation.

For example, if you need to step away for a few minutes, telling your child that you need to spend some time tending to your feelings before leaving the room lets them know that they are not being punished or abandoned.

Going a step further and breaking down the specific skills you will use while away (“I need some time to calm down, so I’m going to go listen to music for 15 minutes, and then I’ll be back”) gives them an example to emulate in the future.

Narration can also be a helpful tool for parenting older children and teens, because talking through your own emotional experience gives you a way to encourage healthy behavior patterns without getting into a power struggle.

“We know that when a child is really upset or escalated, telling them to take some deep breaths and calm down is likely to backfire,” says Berman.

“And that’s where narration can be helpful.

It’s not saying you do this, it’s saying I’m doing this.

And it’s giving kids the space to do so as well without forcing it on them.” Show your feelings (even the painful ones) It’s natural to want to protect your child from pain and discomfort.

But unwanted emotions — even the most intense ones — are a normal part of life.